Itsy bitsy confession

because it has been stuck on my mind all week and I nearly put it on my twitter but I didn't have the courage. i thought of writing it in codes but i didn't want questions asked.

So early this week - not sure if it was the Sunday to Monday or Monday to Tuesday night but the last dream bit was as follows : JongHyun was on my bed, at the spot where his t shirt and caps are, laying on his back. He had a white shirt I think with buttons, belt and black pants. He had his hands on my sides as I leaped over him to sit on his knees, bending down to undo his belt. He was laughing or giggling very softly, amused and surprised that I would do what I was about to do. I myself felt pretty happy and excited about it. He had that incredible smile - like not believing what was about to happen, but already enjoying the prospect of it. I remember I backed a little to get more comfortable for when i'd be bending over his groin area, he was playing in my hair, but I woke up before I could fully unzip his pants.

I simply cannot believe, to state the obviousness of this, that I was enthusiastic or playful and happy to ... give him a blowjob. In the wake life, a man's life could depend on it and I'd let him die without a drop of guilt reading Shakespeare sonnets in Chinese.

This ... thought followed me all week and all week I been recessing the possibility in my mind.

When I was in the Tom Hiddleston fandom, the ... knowledge of why fruity flavored condoms existed hit me like a smack in the face but that didn't inspire me to unzip his pants for even as virtual and unrealistic as thought can, to be try of the possibility.

The only ...man who would have come close to a "test drive" was Sabik (the SOOM emporium Mecha Angel mold doll) but even he didn't get that ... he didn't manage to inspire me enough desire and curiosity to fantasize of the thing, even if I would make him taste him like mangoes or litchi.

It fascinates me how JongHyun has ... sneaked that in my subconscious. Not only did he drive me to learn his mother-tongue (Korean) but also inspired me to willingly and enthusiastically want a taste of his ... let's call that the home made soju bottle. (I used this reference back in my Kamenashi Kazuya crush era to make a joke in one of the stories i had in my mind "Drop your pants so i can taste your Sake") but it never went beyond the point of the female character just throwing this line out there. It sounded good, clever, but it was just a one liner, like a good script writer would write for a movie or a TV show.)

Perhaps Jongie's black belt with the ring at the end is making his way into my curiosity zone, wanting to explore possibilities and I have to admit the way his groin can be so flat is an open invitation for me, but I never consciously thought I would be ... even accepting such a thought. Not so long ago in a dream (at the end of my monthly cycle) I dreamed of a manga girl at some bar who suddenly ended up on my bed and I wanted to eat her and take her, wishing I could grow a dick myself! Which is a life long ... thing I been battling (the lack of something down there, as I always felt it) and now, I am suddenly finding myself attracted to another man's item, but appreciating my current female specifics.