Because my last blogger entry went into the void of Cyberspace -I'll be a total bitch and unleash the uncensored version of this.
1 - He inspires me to try to act more womanly and thus accept my current female condition.
2 - Thanks to him, I understand why fruit flavoured condoms - or textured for that matter - were invented
3 - He is way to busy with his life to acknowledge my existence, thus I can happily fantasize over him without any guilt trip
4 - He looks like a doll - and I have a thing for dolls
5 - His fans can put him and his "career launching" role into the most delightfully entertaining fan art contexts - including homosexual, submission, bondage, neko (cat-man) and a couple others which totally electrify one's imagination
6 - I wouldn't giggle like a high school girl if he walked naked in front of me - I think that I would take his masculinity into a serious and natural context
7 - Oddly enough, I don't feel shy or bad or unease at the doggy style perspective - which I normally despise
8 - He passed the "sleeping test" with an A+
9 - Never met a man i want to kiss as bad as i am dying to try him
10 - What he inspired me and still does is just insanely strong! Like I said it in previous blogs, this guy is a fucking 40 meter high Rogue Wave
11 - Once I accepted all of the above, I'm serene and I actually don't regret nothing nor feel bad. Refer back to number 3 for this.
12 - He is the first man that actually inspired me an interest in his dick. Which is quite impressive.
13 - I am re-discovering things i have buried so deep inside of me, I had forgotten it was things I liked and was curious about
14 - When I think of sex fantasies with him, I'm not randomly pulled out by thoughts of women being abused or sold and sex being a negative thing - which is among the reasons why I quit on it; my choice to say to, in the name of all the women who can't.
15 - Depending on my hormonal rages - i can be either a female or a male with him and both feel very natural and normal. Other men are so straight and stuck in that figure - they are impossible to be imagined with another male figure, which cuts half the fun away.
16 - (reason posted on facebook - something along the lines of Tom waking me up like the Prince would wake up Briar Rose in Anne Rice's version of the Sleeping Beauty tale - which i have not read and won't before some time yet)
17 - I love this man and yet I avoid him. Haven't seen the movie Thor - where I discovered him - more than 5 times - which is an epic low, considering I can watch a fave movie non stop during minimum 3 months or more, all day long - all week long! Haven't seen Avengers yet - not sure I want to ... Haven't seen Hollow Crown and have no intention of seeing it before some time too. Have seen the Deep Blue Sea once and deleted the movie file. Haven't seen any other movie or series in which he appears. Normally I would hunt them down and run them until i puke. Only downloaded him reading poetry and that novel - The Red Necklace and some exhibition thing he did for the museum about the Egyptians. Been avoiding Twitter, Tumblr.
18 - He is the first man who inspired me the uncontrollable urge to run away to a far remote deserted location with no human communication devices available or working so I would get him out of my brain and heart.
Showing posts with label desires. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desires. Show all posts
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
You think you want something
Because it's fancy, it's costly, it might bring you more than what you have at the current moment but... do you really want it ?
Example 1 : Volks limited Charlotte BJD doll which I found on a Danny Choo blog entry and instantly fell in love with and ... I was ready to bust 1,500$ US on it ! The next day, I saw it - random search on Den of Angels and it was announced for 1,250$ US and yet - I was ready again to get it.
Until the evening of the same night, when I went to Soom Doll site. And when I saw her. Better price, better looking, and her young adult offers advantages a kid looking face/body cannot - it has more limitations for what I know I would have planned in the future.
Good thing I didn't jump into the first purchase ! For that same price, I can get the doll and the clothes I want.
Example 2 : In the summer, I completely fell in love with the Olympus EPL-1 Pen camera which is about a small dslr point and shoot style. I loved it at first sight because it was small, reflex, digital and offered in the basic lens kit a lens that was in the10's or 20's of mm which is basically wide angle, normal, landscape. But that camera had a price I wasn't yet ready to spend for a small compact camera.
Good thing, again, I didn't bought it because I found - still in my beloved Canon Family - the perfect little point and shoot camera in the Canon PowerShot SD3500 IS ( pink of course ) which does exactly ( !! ) what I want it to do : high quality pictures ( 14mp ) from landscape perspective ( 24mm ) the 5x zoom is the least of my worries since I am already equipped with a Canon EOS 50D and a Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS for the zooming options, and other various needs. I have to add that the video quality is incredible ! I don't know if they inserted a lens flare "thingie" in their lens, but filming water on the lake St-Louis came out way less "light lined" as when I used to do it with the SX10 IS. ( normally, a special lens on is used with DSRL to diminish and cut that counter effect of light ) So yet another win.
And finally coming to example number 3. The most recent and the most life changing one. I graduated last year in Medical Archives from O'Sullivan College and I after 3 years of pain and much energy put into it, I was sort of hoping that the real life deal would bring me peace with something that these famous 3 years thrown in the mud and shredded to confetti.
In the beginning, I didn't even had job offers. When I did and applied, I never got answers back. Once I applied two different times, having received the offer two times and neither once did I even got as much as an answer that they got my application form. Not even that little courtesy. Other offers were geographically located at the extremes of Québec province and I didn't felt like braving that kind of an adventure : to go live in God knows where north city and build myself a life up there, from scratch, away from everyone and everything I know.
More than a year later, I finally get an offer in Montreal and it's from a place where I always dreamed of working. But it's also the best example of how illusions can be of the sparkles and how reality can deceive and not be at all how one could have dreamed it.
I finally had a job offer for Douglas Psychiatric Institution, here in Montreal. Always wanted to - dreamed of it, talked about it in college, burnt everyone's ears with it.
Now that I had the occasion, I find it ... rather cold and ... I know it was only an interview, but an interview goes both ways. Both parties judge the other one and I personally didn't quite like the cold attitude of the Medical Archives Chief person.
That detached coldness ... really doesn't inspire me to want to be more in contact with that person.
And I realized that - it's been over a year ! since I graduated. I saw psychiatric case once in the final exam for the course... they would need to train me from A to Z and I would need to completely re-learn which I really don't have the ... motivation to do so !
My current job location is a drain for the time it takes me but I love it ! I feel secure there, I love my team and I love my simple job. Lesser pay but I don't care - i still could manage to live decently and afford my hobbies.
If Douglas calls back - in a couple of weeks - I am personally not accepting. Though I wish they wouldn't call back - I wish they find two candidates who'd really appreciate and need those two positions because I won't - I don't want anymore.
Example 1 : Volks limited Charlotte BJD doll which I found on a Danny Choo blog entry and instantly fell in love with and ... I was ready to bust 1,500$ US on it ! The next day, I saw it - random search on Den of Angels and it was announced for 1,250$ US and yet - I was ready again to get it.
Until the evening of the same night, when I went to Soom Doll site. And when I saw her. Better price, better looking, and her young adult offers advantages a kid looking face/body cannot - it has more limitations for what I know I would have planned in the future.
Good thing I didn't jump into the first purchase ! For that same price, I can get the doll and the clothes I want.
Example 2 : In the summer, I completely fell in love with the Olympus EPL-1 Pen camera which is about a small dslr point and shoot style. I loved it at first sight because it was small, reflex, digital and offered in the basic lens kit a lens that was in the10's or 20's of mm which is basically wide angle, normal, landscape. But that camera had a price I wasn't yet ready to spend for a small compact camera.
Good thing, again, I didn't bought it because I found - still in my beloved Canon Family - the perfect little point and shoot camera in the Canon PowerShot SD3500 IS ( pink of course ) which does exactly ( !! ) what I want it to do : high quality pictures ( 14mp ) from landscape perspective ( 24mm ) the 5x zoom is the least of my worries since I am already equipped with a Canon EOS 50D and a Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS for the zooming options, and other various needs. I have to add that the video quality is incredible ! I don't know if they inserted a lens flare "thingie" in their lens, but filming water on the lake St-Louis came out way less "light lined" as when I used to do it with the SX10 IS. ( normally, a special lens on is used with DSRL to diminish and cut that counter effect of light ) So yet another win.
And finally coming to example number 3. The most recent and the most life changing one. I graduated last year in Medical Archives from O'Sullivan College and I after 3 years of pain and much energy put into it, I was sort of hoping that the real life deal would bring me peace with something that these famous 3 years thrown in the mud and shredded to confetti.
In the beginning, I didn't even had job offers. When I did and applied, I never got answers back. Once I applied two different times, having received the offer two times and neither once did I even got as much as an answer that they got my application form. Not even that little courtesy. Other offers were geographically located at the extremes of Québec province and I didn't felt like braving that kind of an adventure : to go live in God knows where north city and build myself a life up there, from scratch, away from everyone and everything I know.
More than a year later, I finally get an offer in Montreal and it's from a place where I always dreamed of working. But it's also the best example of how illusions can be of the sparkles and how reality can deceive and not be at all how one could have dreamed it.
I finally had a job offer for Douglas Psychiatric Institution, here in Montreal. Always wanted to - dreamed of it, talked about it in college, burnt everyone's ears with it.
Now that I had the occasion, I find it ... rather cold and ... I know it was only an interview, but an interview goes both ways. Both parties judge the other one and I personally didn't quite like the cold attitude of the Medical Archives Chief person.
That detached coldness ... really doesn't inspire me to want to be more in contact with that person.
And I realized that - it's been over a year ! since I graduated. I saw psychiatric case once in the final exam for the course... they would need to train me from A to Z and I would need to completely re-learn which I really don't have the ... motivation to do so !
My current job location is a drain for the time it takes me but I love it ! I feel secure there, I love my team and I love my simple job. Lesser pay but I don't care - i still could manage to live decently and afford my hobbies.
If Douglas calls back - in a couple of weeks - I am personally not accepting. Though I wish they wouldn't call back - I wish they find two candidates who'd really appreciate and need those two positions because I won't - I don't want anymore.
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