I dunno but everything at this moment in my life feels like falling apart. I don't know where I stand anymore. I feel more and more like a walking and thinking zombie.
I almost wish I could be otaku or more clearly hikikomori.
I don't know what I want - concretely. Or, no, I do. What botters me is the options. If my heart could stop shifting like a fucking balance long enough ! but sooner or late it shifts and there goes the other option on the rise.
I want my freedom - my own home - my own place. I don't want an apartment, though - i cannot stand that fucking neighborhood life ! I want quiet and isolated place.
Do I go with photography passion and have a side job or stay at my current job - if they want to keep me and have money income secured ?