Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Happy 10 Months

And i absolutely cannot believe you made it this long.

March 13.

In the 70 Bois Francs (third bus of the morning on my way to work), I open Facebook on my Galaxy S3 to see what's new and boom. There you are. Or - more specifically, photos of you attending an event that was held March 12th in London. The very day I spent in complete denial of my feelings for you. Why ? Because loving you is like my new healthy diet. I need to fall back into my bad habits and put a cross on you. Negation and renounciation and all that actually helps me go through the stormy ocean of my feelings for you.

So I am watching the photos, dashing, stylish, just plain awesome. I swear you are the definition of all the positive and enchantment related adjectives in the dictionary. I also recognize Sir Jeremy Irons in the back on one shot and feel happy like seeing an old family member near you. And I glide through the photos and there is that one, just your face, just you looking at the camera, so sharp, as if you were looking into the eyes of the future viewer... could very much be my imagination, but you seem so ... drastically real when you face the lense, as if you were really addressing to the audience. And there is that shot, as I was saying, and Dido in my iPod sings "I'm in love - always will be" and I have to admit that the synchronicity of time and events couldn't be further from the truth. And the more I deny, the more it punches me back. If you are your worse ennemy, I don't know what I am to myself if not my worse persecutor!

And then, as my thoughs wandered, I realized that it has been quite some time. I reflected on how I said to a friend, in December, that you had reached and passed the Point of No Return of the 6 months marking point for any man in my life. In fact, right now, in March, it's your 10th month, including the meeting one - June. You truly are something ... rare because this does not happen with real human males. Fictional characters, angels, dream characters, objects - yes; humans: no.

I fought my feelings, and it's funny, each time I do so, each time I deny and try to scratch your name off - even if it's tattooed on my side - the following day you shine brigther than the sun and make me look like a fool.

So I guess that denial is a futule battle lost in advance, eh ?

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