Blond man

It started last year, in the very ending of 2009. In the dream of the Thursday 26th November 2009 (not yet published, it's typed in my i pod touch) - I dreamed I was a worker with a new company and in my new team, there were two men : a tall Arabic looking with dark curly hair and a shorter, long haired blond with a beard. Along the dream, the blond man had found a ring and a bracelet in that sort of cement we were stirring and he asked me if I wanted it, and since I liked him in the dream, I accepted. I knew it was a silent form of an engagement and I did in fact desired him. The ring's top (or 3/4 of it's entirety) was forming a looping 8. The upper part was filled with gold, making a uniformity with the rest of the ring while the bottom part had a white diamond slightly yet noticeably sticking out with grace and nice design. By accepting his gift, I was silently accepting something more official and concrete. No need for words and papers - we were now together.

Later, on December the 29th, I had yet another dream where at some point, he was sitting on the front porch (actually on the stairs of the porch) of a house in which I had spent the night and as I was finishing a conversation with a lady who was a neighbor lady of the lady owner of the house, he gently said in French "Allez, on rentre à la maison, Emi ?" a half question half clear desire / proposition to go back home. He was blond with a beard, very casually dressed ; t shirt, 3/4 pants of a light color and sandals. He said that with so much love and caring in this voice and so softly ! the memory of it makes me want to go with him ! where ever home could be.

Continuing, like a logical follow up of the story (first asking my hand, then asking me to go home with him) comes the actual home dream. January 2nd 2010 I dreamed I finally went to a house but I believe it was his parent's house - though I cannot for sure associate the other man with him, and yet, it's highly possible it could have been his father. The small and think path in the snow - large enough only for one person a time - led to 3 houses piled up one on top of each other and I thought to back off and go back to the prairie, the snow field but when I turned back, he was there right behind me and gently said, again in French "Non, continue. Tu y est presque." (No, continue, you are almost there.) And yet again with that incredible caring, loving soft and convincing tone of voice and such a loving caring look in his eyes, it gave me courage to go forward. I climbed the snow to reach the door and opened it. Inside was the backyard of a huge house and I noticed that in our yard were growing huge healthy tall deep vivid orange lilies. My favorite flowers ! And the blond man - still with this long hair and his beard - smiling at me half proud half that unchanging loving caring smile and expression on his face, and the hunter man behind me explaining something or saying something - but I was fascinated about how outside it was snow and here inside it was summer.

Something funny - if I go way back in time.

When I was around 8-9 I was introduced, by the mother of my neighbor friend, to a young blond guy a few years older than me - by 3-4 years - whom would be my sidekick in my dreams to help me fight the evil. We most often had the mission to stop Lestat (who was sleeping under the ice of a skate rink in Outremont - which fact I discovered years later when I went to high school Outremont and we got our Winter Activity day held at that skate rink and it just slapped in the faec : that was the rink of which i spent years dreaming !!) - so, our mission was to stop Lestat de Lioncourt (Anne Rice's vampire character) from getting to the two red headed twins and bite them. (Funny how years later, even more than the skate rink discovery), as I was reading the Lestat books - I found out that in fact, Lestat was sleeping under ice to avoid being detected by fellow vampires (found in the Akasha book - story) and the mythology of the two red headed twingirls (also in the saga by Anne Rice) and how eventually Lestat meets them and how everything gets mixed up and makes sense.

Recap :

1992-4 : I dream of the Blond Kid being introduced to me and we have to stop Lestat in that skate rink. He had long blond hair, going down to the base of his neck, straight, darker blond, and was wearing glasses.

1997-8 : I have my first Winter Activity day at that famous Outremont Skate rink. (I did start high school in August 1996 but I had the accident with the car on October 2nd and I only came back to School in February with a cast) First shock : the rink was the one i spent years dreaming of.

~ 1999-2000 : I was reading further in the Vampire Saga by Anne Rice and found out the Twins story, the Akasha one, how Lestat was sleeping underneath the ice to avoid being detected by other vampires. Freak awareness again - i had dreamed of that when I was a kid.

He came back when I was 14 - but I didn't quite recognized him - he presented himself as being Henri - was wearing a white and blue large stripped shirt and jeans (salopettes) and kissed me on the lips - rather .... lusciously and with passion.

Years later, the Blond Man came back in various other dreams. I'll always remember the most epic ones. He was my master in one and I remember how kissing him was a total game of impressing the other and how even if I thought I had won the argument, he did in fact impressed me way more and wan the game. He had shorter hair in that dream but still wearing the glasses and as I was looking up to him (he was standing, his hands on the polished armrest part of the balcony, on like an interior second floor.) and his face seemed so familiar it was hurting me not to know his name. But it was his eyes - his way of looking at me - that loving glow, that caring smile. He was wearing an old styled interior casual house robe. I was having a fight with his ... he was clearly the Master of the place and mine too. The tall dark haired younger man was his protégé and apprentice but he was not handling me ! I refused to kiss him and obey him, we were fighting over that down on the ground level - I was saying to the apprentice that he had nothing new he could teach me and I was done with him. I knew the art of love and kissing and pleasing a man so he could start looking for a new girl to train and spend his time with. My Master having heard our loud discussion, asked me up to his quarters, and that's when i saw his face, bent over, hands on the balcony, that smirk on his lips and yet the unquestionable love and care in his eyes ! even behind the glasses.

So I walked up the stairs, sat down on the couch that was just before the balcony's protective bars - a long deep purple rich dark (almost black) lacquered sofa with a few decorative pillows - and as he sat down with me ( I remember he was wearing a black robe with red enhancements on the borders) I bent over to kiss him and he did gave in the first moments. I was completely leading him, pulling him to give me more, stopping him when I felt like slowing down the kisses and when I thought I would finalize it all and prove myself, he kissed me in such a way that I was conquered. He pulled me right back into as I was ready to pull back - and I stood there, now being kissed and lead by him. (and he kisses divinely !! )

Then the dreams with him became sparse with time but he always was there and he was the first one to truly take me in a dream. Even if I had sex dreams in my teenage years, I usually was the man having sex with girls, or having sex with girls as a girl, but no man penetrated me. The only time that it nearly happened, I just walked away from the man (the dream was in the early 2000's) and I changed the dream.

The first real time was with him. It's noted somewhere in my livejournal - it was the spy dream. I knew he was inside of me and yet that was not the important factor. The important part was that we were having fun, our fingers crossed and sharing good memories of jokes, he was making me laugh.

And then, he reappeared clearly in a dream when I was about to consummate my honeymoon with another man (whom in the dream I didn't love and was not willingly in there with him). April the 7th 2007 I was in Venice - he was there and even though we had a somewhat of a misunderstanding at some time in the dream - everything came back to old habits. (And now that I analyse it - the black haired man that I said I have never seen before - I had completely forgotten him ! but he was there with him in that kiss on the balcony dream, he was the apprentice !)

Near the end, seeing that he still had the scalpel in his hand, I took his hand, shaping his fist around the scalpel’s handle, bending his fingers tightly around it, and holding half his wrist, half his fist with the scalpel’s sharp edge pointing at my chest, I just hold it like that, the edge of the scalpel near my skin – with the other hand palpating my chest bones and finding two rib bones (oh and believe me, it’s unreal in a dream to actually feel the strength of a bone under your skin and the squishy non resistant part in between the 2 said bones !!) so I was there, feeling my ribs and nearly shouted at him :

“[ Well then ] Kill me !! Just here ! Between the two rib bones ! Wait, you are not holding this properly … ( and I actually turned the scalpel horizontally so that the blade would have an easier penetrating capacity ! – like who the hell does calculate such a thing in real life when stabbing ? a regular killer just stabs with the knife vertically pointed – cutting the ribs and who the hell actually cares about hitting the heart without hitting the resistance of bones ?? ) … like that you can access the heart easily ! (And in my head, I was imagining the blade going through the skin, the muscle, between the two ribs and hitting just the first third of the heart – penetrating in the right atrium.

He hesitated and forcefully retrieved his hand. Next thing I was conscious about was the fact that I had my arms around his neck and I was kissing him. I had my head turned on his right cheek side – I could appreciate the cool moist of his mouth (no he was not warm like humans are usually mid-warm, nor did he tasted salty like Sam used to always taste salty when I kissed him, like kissing the ocean) and he felt so refreshing, like cool water made into a human mouth or a kiss. I remember perfectly the moment my lips touched his – the black haired guy still not even a feet away from the blond one ! – and how he responded to me, at first unsure and then just appreciating it for what it was. We exchanged a few kisses on this right side before I switched my head to his left side, still passionately kissing him yet our tongues were not mixed up yet because I started to roll my tongue around his (and I even remember it was from his left side to his ride – counter-clockwise !! omg the detail !! from 3 up to 12 and down to 9 and down to 6 and back up to 3 for a complete turn – and not only once !) and feeling it exciting me, feeling it so normal and natural and cool ! (In real life, anything in my mouth that is not food and I throw up or have severe nausea and need to breath ! that made kissing guys highly romantic !) With him, I only was conscious of good he felt, the starting pleasure he was giving me – or the fact that I was kissing him – and it felt just plain awesome ! Near the end, I even remember I was twirling my right hand’s fingers around his very short hair in the back of his neck and I was fascinated by his really freaking close shave ! ( Like was he using Mac Fusion 5 or what ? because his skin was so smooth and clean of any trace of hair !)

I remember dreams, where he was wearing a pale turquoise or pale sky blue very light silk 18th century French costume and was inviting me to dance with him - there was a ball at a huge house, near a forest, there was a little temple of love near too (like Marie-Antoinette's Trianon). To this day I can remember how his clothes looked, the white fine embroideries, the soft pale blue like the palest sky blues - paler than his eyes, the ppl at the ball made comments how our clothes matched since I was wearing his colors ! I Had the same soft pale blue silk fabric for my dress and the same type of white very worked embroideries at the sleeves of my dress, and on the chest area and on the skirt part, to match his costume perfectly. He was giving me his hand to lead me to the dance floor and we danced together, we were very close and intimate - almost as cousins, because I had this impression that his mother or aunt was in my family. I remember how dashing he looked and how I admired him and how happy I was to able to dance in his arms.

In that dream there was something about us being alone in that little temple of love at some moment and the family looking for us to make sure we were not putting ourselves int trouble. We were of a good family and we couldn't afford to create trouble or rumors. ( Does this dream explain why when I first hears the song Temple of Love by the Sisters of mercy I instantly identified myself to the lyrics ? to the sadness of knowing that love would leave me in the morning... )

In another dream, he was again a sort of a spy, we were in a lift going down and I remember looking him straight in the eyes and knowing him - so painful to know his face, his smile, his eyes and yet not knowing his name !

The 50D is at my reach !

I simply cannot believe it ! The Canon 50D is finally at my reach ! And that sole factor makes me thrilled happy and incredibly positive about life.

The whole process started last Friday morning (the 25th September 2009) when Isabelle B. from Plexo called me about my application for a job as medical archivist at the clinic. That break through was, and is, most welcomed. She first asked me some questions about myself, the course, if I had the diploma (yes I do), what I know about the company (what I read on their website), if I would be available for an interview - hellyeah I was ! Date was set for Tuesday the 29th September 2009 at 10 am.

And suddenly, the possibility of a work, with a stable revenue meant I could finally get my hands on a professional Canon camera - which was my dream ever since I discovered Canon back in early 2000's. A random memory I just had while writing this, it's like when I was at a friend's house going through an electronic shop catalog and when I hit the Sandisk logo and name, I just fell in love with it and now I know why ! 9 years later, with the purchase of a Sandisk Sansa Fuse MP3 player, I know why I love the Sandisk brand. Same thing with Canon. There is something about it. And earlier this year, I discovered that the word Canon is the American-ized version of the Japanese goddess Kwanon - and I am a fan and enthusiast of Japanese religion and mythology. 1+1=2 ;)

So back to our sheeps. Stable revenue meant I could get my Canon camera ! So I went on BestBuy's website and I must have searched for it, but I got results ! Canon 50D !

So here are currently my options :

1 - a) the Canon EF-S 55-250mm f/4-5.6 IS Lens for $359.99

paired up with option

1 - b) The Canon EOS 50D 15.1MP Digital SLR Camera - Body Only

or option

2) The Canon 50D with a lesser good, basic lens for about the same price as the 2 together combined - with a difference of 120$

And so - all week end - I dreamed, I visioned, I imagined myself holding that camera, rotating that lens to make the picture clear, zooming in, zooming out - capturing the beauty of nature, macro shots - the way I always dreamed I would and could.

That dream, those visions haunted me all day Morning, even changed out the "bed time story" (based off a dream I had last week or during the week end to fit in the camera) and dreamed about it all today too (Tuesday). I just soo freakin' want that camera it's unreal !

The counter part of that is, if I don't get the job - *I cross my fingers and knock on wood so that it won't happen - that I WILL get the job* - is that I will lose my hope and faith in life, I'll probably get back into my uncaring depressive mood and just simply continue to not give a fuck about anything outside my art and my already taken photos. [ And secretly still keep dreaming and wishing for that cam to become mine. ]

Today - Monday the 29th September 2009 - I did attend the job interview, it went pretty fine, I felt comfortable, and there was a nice chemistry between the two interviewers and myself and I really hope and pray from the bottom of my heart that I will get that job - I need that job ! The team itself looks like a nice bunch of folks to work around (a Russian, a Romanian, a Moroccan to quote these, plus the students who work part time) and the company/clinic itself looks the perfect place for me !

She has to call me back either later this week or at the latest, early next week. Mostly the time that my personal information as to criminal records gets verified by a certain agency by the name of Garda. It's the new procedure for all new employees, either at hire spot or at agencies.

If I get the job, I'm buying that lens first thing ! Than wait to get the necessary funds to buy the body itself :D

*continues praying*

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The pornographic cancer is invading and no one cares

It started some time around last year I believe when a photographic shot of a very wett female's ass got a daily deviation -which on the site is the most prestiged and valued event that could happen to anyone - and even more so considering that a daily deviation, short called DD, gives more attention and watchers to the one being featured, because for one whole day, that person's selected piece is seen by about the 17 millions of users registered on the site.

Now what bothers me is that over the time, and over the many variations of the site's system - the many changes allowed by the site's configuration - allowed for more and more shots of female asses, vagina and such to be considered as art.

Even though the site has a policy quoted two times in the Terms of Agreement and the Etiquette policy, both clearly depicting the fact that uploading porn is considered as an offence punishable by removal of the said piece.

Sadly - pieces such as a female's ass hole is not considered as porn. Nor is a vagina, spread legs showing a wet vagina, or a wet ass just out of the pool or the bath. Women posing in poses as to reveal and put the accent on their genitalia are encouraged by massive hits of over several thousands of views per day or even inside a few hours !

Moreover, since subscription is free, anyone can create an account and go support those deviations, by commenting in favor and favouriting those pieces. Basically, instead of paying a porn site a 5$ a month or what ever the fees are, they just come to deviant art for the same reasons, BUT because it's deviant art - a gathering community for "artists" - they get the free porn ! And ppl are fool enough to either ignore the problem and let it propragate even further, or leave a comment but then the defenders of such pieces come back on the double with arguments saying that the first denouncer is not knowing anything to art, the female body is beautiful (this excuses the macro shot of a shaved vagina) and that anyone going against such pictures is just a close minded person who doesn't know what art is !

I tried to prove my point several times, and each time I was either pointed as being a pervert because I showed a link to the same exact content (a female vagina) found on a pornographi site, or that I have too much time to waste (incredible fact, knowing that I found those inside of Less than 10 seconds on google !) and on and on and on ! So people who actually try to defend the site and keep it clean from useless and repetetive junk get to be treated as the worst people on the site !

I personally find this issue incredibly frustrating and beyond words inadmissible from a so called community for artists ! Would a healthy individual let a cancer eat that person away ? Logically speaking, the answer is no. So why does this place let the sort of crap that it currently allows - Even against it's own policies - be considered normal ?

Lastly - I wonder if deviantart.com even knows the significance of the word "pornography" because all the dictionaries online do give about the same signification and those significations clearly depict the content of some of the devations submitted on the site under "artistic nude" or "fetish portraits" (because, ladies and gentlemen, the ass hole - aka - the end of the digestive tract by where the fecal matter travels) is considered "artistic" or beautiful or admissible as NON pornographic. I have personally reported such a deviation to the help desk and it came back and I quote the answer

" Your Prohibited Content Violation Report on Bang a Gong was reviewed by a member of the staff and action was taken, marking the report as Invalid.

Additionally, the following comment was provided:

A reviewing member of staff has reviewed this report and has determined that no action is necessary as this deviation does not meet the current definition for pornography.

Please click here for more information.

This message was generated automatically.

-- deviantART Staff "

here is a print screen of the said deviation - http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c180/Shouza/Deviantart%20Porn/ScreenShot052.jpg

Blog's Face Change

As of today - actually it happened during my 2 weeks without internet - I decided that this blog will be a place where I will share my photography and talk about Canon cameras because I love that company, love what they give to the public and love their products and possibilities they give to their clients.

I will share tips, tricks, personal experiences and stuff like that :D

Current model of camera is Canon PowerShot SXi 10 IS which is totally hot stuff !

What is "Art" in the 21st century

I am a member of this website called Deviant Art located at deviantart.com since now 4 years. I have had the chance to see various trends be born, be over used and die. I have seen sheep like brainless motions created for the sole purpose of attention whoring and pageviews collecting. I have seen fetish and artistic nude photography ever since I am member, but nowadays I truly wonder what art is.

Deviant art, is a private website with the purpose of offering a place - like a community would - to artists who seek to share their works with fellow people like them and get encouragements or critics or any form of acknowledgment, which is fine and normal in a society ever growing bigger where each individual strife to be original, unique and stand out of the crowd.

I have nothing against nudes, I can appreciate a beautiful naked woman's photography and appreciate the quality of the picture, the pose and the mood that was captured. But I wonder what is the new trend with the overly used naked boobs, ass shots, pussy shots and tied up women ? Why is the female body going under this over exposition of it's qualifying characteristics and not the male body ? If we live in a so called "Equalized Society" why don't we see that much up close and personal penises or men ass shots ? In a society which is obsessed with fitness and thinness why does an over sized breast rule over a flat male chest ? Breast are composed of overly fat tissues.

Why is exposing one's genitalia even considered artistic ? We all have one - either vagina or penis - so what does make a photography of a close up clitoris and labia something that competes with a sculpture, a painting (may it be digital or traditional) or a fan work in which real talent, technique and time have been invested in ?

What is the next step if we follow this trend ? A woman shitting pee (which is biological mix of mostly water, vitamins, salt and sugar) taken with a 15 mega pixel camera in "live action" with crisp clear detail of the crystalline fluid coming out of her vagina and being like a solid link with the content of a toilet ? Will that be considered art too ?

I heard art is meant to be provocative and wake up consciousnesses ... maybe I should be a pioneer and do that first shot myself and start a trend !

The ass equally takes all it's value when round, wet, shiny and has a clear shot of anus (which, I respectfully remind you, is the exit of the larger intestines - through which the food you eat, after all nutriments have been absorbed - exits the body in the form fecal matter). So basically - you pretty much value like gold the exit door of the human's natural "end of the chain work" spot. Next thing I'll hear will be that pee is high class champagne !