I don't know how to start this one. So many things run in my mind.
So let me recall how this adventure started.
In the concrete facts, it did in Ireland, county Claire, village Doolin. That place gave me such a wild urge to bike ! It has ... not breathtaking a la ouh lala sort of landscapes, but it has another type of inviting, reassuring, making you want to explore and wander around to see every bit again and again and again. We spent 2 days there I could have spent my life, honestly. On the second day, we walked up to the hills, to go see the Cliffs of Moher, and a couple of cyclists past us by; that game me the initial notch - the spark - the desire to ride a bike.
I came back, and time past and things happened and I never got around to have the time, the occasion and the last little push that I needed to get a bike and get back into it. I did bike when I was a kid, back home in my village I had a tricycle ( and I fell from my grandma's little bridge in front of the house and had my first broken wrist) at 4 or 5, then I rode a bike at 7 in Bucharest at this lady's house where my mom and sis and I spent the night before the flight (it was a family with 2 boys ...) and so the boys and my sis played around with the bike, then it was my turn and I ended up in the fountain with the ducks. After that, I got a bike 2 years later, or maybe even more ... I know I was in grade school, my bike was pink and white and of course I learned how to ride it in the Jarry Parc. We used to go all three of us, mom, sis and I. Near the end, when I was like 12, my sister and I even rode all the way from home to the park on quiet empty long streets. But I never could bring myself to use the breaks. I just let the bike slow down naturally or I used my feet, rubbing them against the ground and using the bottom part until a hole was created. Yes, I did that to a couple of pairs of shoes.
And then came high school, and I had my accident and I never rode a bike ever again. And today I'm 27, going 28 this summer and voila. I got back on one !
I was leading up to getting one sooner or later. I checked Canadian Tire store web page for the bikes, I checked Costco too. I think that is the kick part. Costco is so close to me, the bikes are there, it could have been such a easy purchase !
But I got a better deal.
I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine from a previous job and this biking subject came into the chat and she said that she wasn't using hers, even thought it's a new barely used one. She lives close to the work so, no real need for travel and she has other hobbies for the week end. I was sold. Or rather, the bike got himself a new owner.
Things got arranged and last Saturday I was at her place to get it :D
When I said I had a super neat of a deal; store's half price for this bike, with 3 chains, gloves, helmet, bags for the back part, and a pump for the wheels !
Instant love. It feels rough, masculine, strong, it's a hybrid mountain-city bike, I would associate it in my head to a northern country horse with strong build, thick legs and lot of fur - lol.
Of course I chickened out about riding it back home ! I did perhaps maybe ... 30cms on it before I used the breaks for the first time ever and avoided bumping into a parked car, but, no, I was definitely not ready for a full ride on busy sidewalks, loaded with people, streets loaded with cars!
I haven't touched a bike since 15 years ! I was not ready for such a huge step, so soon. So I walked it home. Walk, walk, walk, metro, and more walking. But we eventually got home safe and sound.
Just to see it attached to the fence, waiting for me, being there, ready, available made my desire and will to ride it even stronger. I have been craving this for over a year consciously and God knows how many more time unconsciously ! And over the top incredible big step for me, I used the breaks ! that is so huge for me, it's comparable to a lot of "big deal" issues out there.
Monday, May 02, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Rapunzel, let down your hair
Today, I had arranged my hair in a way that it was "up done" but falling down on both sides, touching my shoulders bu leaving the back of my neck open. And for some odd reason, I looked ... oddly cuter than last week, or how I usually do when I have my hair in a tight bun...
My change of looks didn't go unnoticed. A colleague from another department, who was around ours to discuss work with one of my teammates, noticed the change of hair style and commented, in a half kidding, half like a woman knowing when another is changing her appearance to get someone's attention, which I denied of course. Today, I just felt like changing my hair, I felt simply less stressed and less office professional ( the tight bun means office girl in a serious context ).
The colleague came over to my neighbor and my own desk and insisted I'd tell who's attention I was trying to get. I denied it again, because, in fact I just wanted to start a casual Monday. Usually, my clothing and my hair determines how I feel and what are my intentions, if I want to please someone else, be socially fitting in or simply just doing myself a favor.
So, it came down to a sort of logical elimination of possible candidates, calculated on my behavior. Since, I did that new hair style today, it had to be to impress a new-comer to the office. D. Which is absolutely false, since that young man looks too childish, too tall, too built and too ... simply not inspiring one bit ! And most of all, how can I love a man whom I never see, don't work with, have no chance on stumbling on in my normal routine ?
I shared a random honest comment, from the first and only time where I had seen that man, he seemed too fat for me. My desk neighbor didn't understood well, and he asked if another man in the office - who is fairly new but not the newest - is too fat - which nearly killed me of laughter ! The first woman brought back the topic in line and in between two laughs, I tried to look normal at the mention of that one - who might actually be inspiring me.
C-2, who is the second newest, in our department is completely out of the range of possibilities - being fiancé and getting married later this year, end of summer.
C-1 ...
I had a dream with him, I was happy with him, we were sharing a house or an apartment, I remember the view on the back yard with summer light and I was happy. He was holding me in his arms, but when he turned me around to kiss me, I told that I was not ready and I woke up.
And now, since a week or so, it seems that a new filter has been overlaying my eyes - my sight. I am seeing him as a charming handsome young man, on top of the already acquired good understanding we have at the office, a sort of casual friendship with small chats, laughs and little moments stolen here and there.
I still don't know for sure if I am ready.
And, at best, it will be like all others. One way ... interest.
My change of looks didn't go unnoticed. A colleague from another department, who was around ours to discuss work with one of my teammates, noticed the change of hair style and commented, in a half kidding, half like a woman knowing when another is changing her appearance to get someone's attention, which I denied of course. Today, I just felt like changing my hair, I felt simply less stressed and less office professional ( the tight bun means office girl in a serious context ).
The colleague came over to my neighbor and my own desk and insisted I'd tell who's attention I was trying to get. I denied it again, because, in fact I just wanted to start a casual Monday. Usually, my clothing and my hair determines how I feel and what are my intentions, if I want to please someone else, be socially fitting in or simply just doing myself a favor.
So, it came down to a sort of logical elimination of possible candidates, calculated on my behavior. Since, I did that new hair style today, it had to be to impress a new-comer to the office. D. Which is absolutely false, since that young man looks too childish, too tall, too built and too ... simply not inspiring one bit ! And most of all, how can I love a man whom I never see, don't work with, have no chance on stumbling on in my normal routine ?
I shared a random honest comment, from the first and only time where I had seen that man, he seemed too fat for me. My desk neighbor didn't understood well, and he asked if another man in the office - who is fairly new but not the newest - is too fat - which nearly killed me of laughter ! The first woman brought back the topic in line and in between two laughs, I tried to look normal at the mention of that one - who might actually be inspiring me.
C-2, who is the second newest, in our department is completely out of the range of possibilities - being fiancé and getting married later this year, end of summer.
C-1 ...
I had a dream with him, I was happy with him, we were sharing a house or an apartment, I remember the view on the back yard with summer light and I was happy. He was holding me in his arms, but when he turned me around to kiss me, I told that I was not ready and I woke up.
And now, since a week or so, it seems that a new filter has been overlaying my eyes - my sight. I am seeing him as a charming handsome young man, on top of the already acquired good understanding we have at the office, a sort of casual friendship with small chats, laughs and little moments stolen here and there.
I still don't know for sure if I am ready.
And, at best, it will be like all others. One way ... interest.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Going back to my roots
Already since the beginning of February I had this lingering rumor running around my family.
My sister wanted my niece to meet my grand mother on my mother's side - aka - my niece's Great-Grand-Mother. As simple as this sounds, it's a very cute - the littlest lady of the family meeting the oldest. 4 generations of women gathered in a photo - I dream of shooting that actually.
Last week, the rumor became a little more tangible. Last week end, just before leaving for the south for vacations, my sister was on the phone with mom about our own familial vacations back in our village. I thought - oh, one week, two at worst - I can live with that.
Today, we had a gathering for a triple birthday and a welcome back from the south where my sister, brother in law and niece spent a week of vacations. We talked about the home village vacations again. And all of a sudden, it became a longer project. A month long project !
My heart about half broke when I learned that.
My first thought went to the fact that I love my job, but I am only on a contract through an agency. What are my guarantees - my safe grounds - my future, my projects ? Do I ... say good bye and move on, concentrate on my photography career ? Do I take this opportunity to try to have great shots and try to publish a book and launch my potential ?
I love my team - I love the people around me, our little habits we developed, the tight links, bonding we created with time, the chemistry among us.
But about the same time, I really feel like dying inside since I am deprived of time to photography and arts. I am an artist - I need that like people need ... what ever they most strongly strive for.
I am ... with conflicted emotions but not that afraid it seems. I see this as an opportunity to take my flight and see what happens.
On the practical side I only worry about money, stable source of income. I have of course savings but one can never know for sure and predict the future.
I still need to analyze my emotions and see what I really want.
My sister wanted my niece to meet my grand mother on my mother's side - aka - my niece's Great-Grand-Mother. As simple as this sounds, it's a very cute - the littlest lady of the family meeting the oldest. 4 generations of women gathered in a photo - I dream of shooting that actually.
Last week, the rumor became a little more tangible. Last week end, just before leaving for the south for vacations, my sister was on the phone with mom about our own familial vacations back in our village. I thought - oh, one week, two at worst - I can live with that.
Today, we had a gathering for a triple birthday and a welcome back from the south where my sister, brother in law and niece spent a week of vacations. We talked about the home village vacations again. And all of a sudden, it became a longer project. A month long project !
My heart about half broke when I learned that.
My first thought went to the fact that I love my job, but I am only on a contract through an agency. What are my guarantees - my safe grounds - my future, my projects ? Do I ... say good bye and move on, concentrate on my photography career ? Do I take this opportunity to try to have great shots and try to publish a book and launch my potential ?
I love my team - I love the people around me, our little habits we developed, the tight links, bonding we created with time, the chemistry among us.
But about the same time, I really feel like dying inside since I am deprived of time to photography and arts. I am an artist - I need that like people need ... what ever they most strongly strive for.
I am ... with conflicted emotions but not that afraid it seems. I see this as an opportunity to take my flight and see what happens.
On the practical side I only worry about money, stable source of income. I have of course savings but one can never know for sure and predict the future.
I still need to analyze my emotions and see what I really want.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Numerology - Life path of a 9
"What does a Life Path number of 9 mean?"
Emilia, you are the philanthropist, humanitarian, socially conscious, and are deeply concerned about the state of the world.
You have great compassion and idealism.
You are a utopian, and will spend your life trying to realize some aspect of your utopian dream, sacrificing money, time, and energy for a better world. It is in giving that you will find much satisfaction.
You have a broad outlook on life. You tend to see the big picture, rather than the minute details. You naturally attract people from all walks of life who can fit into your larger plans and take over the areas you find uninteresting. The person with a 9 Life Path is rarely prejudiced or accepts social biases of people. Instead, they evaluate people on the basis of what they can do for the larger cause. They are the true egalitarian.
Emilia, you are imaginative and creative, especially at harmoniously arranging the beauty already potential in the environment. These abilities can lead you into such fields as interior decorating, landscape art, and photography. But because of your strong social consciousness, you can be an effective politician, lawyer, judge, minister, teacher, healer, and environmentalist. Vocations that require self- sacrifice and have a clear social impact are common among 9s.
You are often disappointed by the realities of life: the shortcomings of others, or of yourself. Somehow, you don't want to accept the imperfections of the world, a feeling that drives you constantly to try to improve upon it. But rather than be satisfied with your efforts, and those of others, you relentlessly push on, striving for greater accomplishments.
You are often unsatisfied with the results. In short, you lack the perspective that would otherwise make it possible for you to enjoy life more fully, and accept its natural limitations. You have a controlled enthusiasm and the ability to finish what you start.
A key to your personality is the necessity of sacrifice. You have to learn to let go of material possessions and relationships, the inherent lesson being that holding on too tightly to anything causes pain.
Money comes to you through mysterious or unexpected ways: inheritance; the benevolence of someone who was inspired by your work; or a lucky investment. onversely, if you pursue money for its own sake, after giving up on your larger dreams, you're likely to find yourself empty handed.
The most successful and satisfying road for a nine is giving; sharing and sacrificing for a larger goal, without expecting anything in return. Emilia, your greatest chance at success is to tie your personal fortunes to an endeavor that makes the world a better place for others. Very often, this turns into a highly successful and lucrative enterprise, providing amply for you and your family. Your life rests on the axiom that the more you give, the bigger your reward.
You are romantic, but your love is more impersonal. You tend to be focused on your dreams.
When you are not in harmony with your true nature, you can fall to moodiness, or become aloof, and withdrawn. You can become timid, uncertain, and ungrateful, putting the blame for your troubles on others or the world.
You have a gift for examining your life objectively, and at some distance. Be honest with yourself. By openly facing your shortcomings, as well as your strengths, you develop equilibrium. You are thus able to love and better understand yourself and all of life.
source : http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/numerology/
Emilia, you are the philanthropist, humanitarian, socially conscious, and are deeply concerned about the state of the world.
You have great compassion and idealism.
You are a utopian, and will spend your life trying to realize some aspect of your utopian dream, sacrificing money, time, and energy for a better world. It is in giving that you will find much satisfaction.
You have a broad outlook on life. You tend to see the big picture, rather than the minute details. You naturally attract people from all walks of life who can fit into your larger plans and take over the areas you find uninteresting. The person with a 9 Life Path is rarely prejudiced or accepts social biases of people. Instead, they evaluate people on the basis of what they can do for the larger cause. They are the true egalitarian.
Emilia, you are imaginative and creative, especially at harmoniously arranging the beauty already potential in the environment. These abilities can lead you into such fields as interior decorating, landscape art, and photography. But because of your strong social consciousness, you can be an effective politician, lawyer, judge, minister, teacher, healer, and environmentalist. Vocations that require self- sacrifice and have a clear social impact are common among 9s.
You are often disappointed by the realities of life: the shortcomings of others, or of yourself. Somehow, you don't want to accept the imperfections of the world, a feeling that drives you constantly to try to improve upon it. But rather than be satisfied with your efforts, and those of others, you relentlessly push on, striving for greater accomplishments.
You are often unsatisfied with the results. In short, you lack the perspective that would otherwise make it possible for you to enjoy life more fully, and accept its natural limitations. You have a controlled enthusiasm and the ability to finish what you start.
A key to your personality is the necessity of sacrifice. You have to learn to let go of material possessions and relationships, the inherent lesson being that holding on too tightly to anything causes pain.
Money comes to you through mysterious or unexpected ways: inheritance; the benevolence of someone who was inspired by your work; or a lucky investment. onversely, if you pursue money for its own sake, after giving up on your larger dreams, you're likely to find yourself empty handed.
The most successful and satisfying road for a nine is giving; sharing and sacrificing for a larger goal, without expecting anything in return. Emilia, your greatest chance at success is to tie your personal fortunes to an endeavor that makes the world a better place for others. Very often, this turns into a highly successful and lucrative enterprise, providing amply for you and your family. Your life rests on the axiom that the more you give, the bigger your reward.
You are romantic, but your love is more impersonal. You tend to be focused on your dreams.
When you are not in harmony with your true nature, you can fall to moodiness, or become aloof, and withdrawn. You can become timid, uncertain, and ungrateful, putting the blame for your troubles on others or the world.
You have a gift for examining your life objectively, and at some distance. Be honest with yourself. By openly facing your shortcomings, as well as your strengths, you develop equilibrium. You are thus able to love and better understand yourself and all of life.
source : http://www.free-tarot-reading.net/numerology/
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
To come home to this
I came home five minutes past 5pm to yet another night of familial despair or dismay.
I had asked my father his HMV store card because I wanted to buy the Ice Road Truckers DVD series from History Channel. I was planning on going in on Thursday, but since he is not working at the moment, he went to the mall and got it for me yesterday ( Tuesday ). I said I would repay him back. I had already money taken out - good thing.
What bugs me is his attitude. He's an alcoholic since God knows when ( and he is turning 60 this year, meaning he has been drinking since close to 20 years, or 30 if I want to be idealistic and optimistic : half his life ! ) and obviously he has been drinking today too ! He had to quiet it down during December's end and January's first 2 weeks because mom wasn't working and she was home - so he didn't quite have the freedom to drink a bottle a day like he can normally. So, yesterday he drank and forgot to turn on the heating in my room, today the same. But, before, it was always fine and warm and heat taken care of for when I would come back from work. He is home ALL day - would it kill him to turn on the heating one little hour before he knows I get home ?
So, I come in the apartment, shout ( in Hungarian ) "It's only me." He was in the bathroom, but heard me pretty damn well, but still had to loudly ask "Is that you Emi ?" ( I find this kind of ... thing dull, redundant and moronic ! I just fuckin' stated it was me. )
He goes on about the fact he bought my DVDs and they are in my room - I am not that idiot, I have seen them on the corner of my furniture piece and the bill too.
I get out the money of my wallet - 80$ in 20$ bills and a 5$ bill to reach 85$, but I say that if he has change for a 20$ - I have one more to reach the agreed amount of 95$ for the 3 DVD series.
Instead of just plain and simple take the money, give me the change and move on, he took a whole half an hour rambling about honesty, counting over and over the bills, throwing them on the living room coffee table like a professional mafioso man, throwing 2$ coins along side his 5$ bill in the same fashion and rambling on and on and on about the agreement of that amount of my DVDs and the bill and the total and ... I was keeping calm, but I was totally fed up and annoyed. I mean, for fuck's sake, just count the damn bills, give back what you want and move on ! It's only a 100$ not a million !!
Then mom came home.
This episode just ... exploded like a natural geyser when dad asked if we were going back to our home town village because my sister wants to go back in March. My mom said that yes, but that Nothing was set in stone, nothing was sure since my sis wants the whole family to go back ( her husband, daughter, me and mom ) but she doesn't know when her husband can have vacations so Nothing is sure. Dad goes on :
He was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking. Mom just had a long day of work ( from 7 am to 4 pm ) and went on top to do some groceries, puts them down and Dad like a crow bird of ghastly bad future telling goes on " I had a vision ( dream ) of your mother. You should speak to your mother." My mother of course naturally asks when he had that dream, sight or what ever. Dad asks, in repetition - clue that it wasn't recent. Thus, not a true common phenomenon with a real death annunciation as it is quoted in some books on the topic. He goes on that he had that thing some time ago ! My mom asked - Since I was home for the past two months why didn't you told me this before ?? And she is absolutely right ! He, on the other (drunken) side just ketp on rambling that my maternal grand mother had cursed him ( his bad luck with work, his difficult and miserable life ). My mom defended her mother naturally and I agree with her, and said "I just come home from a long day of work - why do you tell me this now ?"
My mom, further one and sort of under the rush of a small vengeance, asked or said that dad's Mother was responsible for his doom. And dad - instead of defending her mother - repeated 3-4 times "Yes, my Mother is a whore!"
That completely shocked me !
In truth, his mother had fallen in love or has fallen under the charms of the young master of the house where she was working and serving as a cleaning girl and got pregnant. Of course, the young man being the heir of a good family, the girl being a poor ( I am not sure if she was orphan or not, but poor for sure ) couldn't stay there. This is a small village in 1930's or 40's Transylvania. A woman's virtue, honor and life was ruined by the passion of a man who'll never face charges, guilt or anything ! For him, it was a game, a pleasure moment (s) and nothing more. For her, shame, guilt, a kid to bring up on her own - a kid who wears her mother's name because she cannot bear her father's - being a bastard child.
The young woman eventually got a small one room house somehow, met a soldier, got married and had 4 more children with the man. The last one, being my father.
But what happened to her in her young years, in the circumstances of her life cannot be held against her and she does not deserve to be treated the whore word by her own child.
... I don't know to conclude this one, so I'll leave it as is - just saying that all this adds to the cup and one day soon, the cup will overflow.
Even if I have to take my mother with me in the new place.
I had asked my father his HMV store card because I wanted to buy the Ice Road Truckers DVD series from History Channel. I was planning on going in on Thursday, but since he is not working at the moment, he went to the mall and got it for me yesterday ( Tuesday ). I said I would repay him back. I had already money taken out - good thing.
What bugs me is his attitude. He's an alcoholic since God knows when ( and he is turning 60 this year, meaning he has been drinking since close to 20 years, or 30 if I want to be idealistic and optimistic : half his life ! ) and obviously he has been drinking today too ! He had to quiet it down during December's end and January's first 2 weeks because mom wasn't working and she was home - so he didn't quite have the freedom to drink a bottle a day like he can normally. So, yesterday he drank and forgot to turn on the heating in my room, today the same. But, before, it was always fine and warm and heat taken care of for when I would come back from work. He is home ALL day - would it kill him to turn on the heating one little hour before he knows I get home ?
So, I come in the apartment, shout ( in Hungarian ) "It's only me." He was in the bathroom, but heard me pretty damn well, but still had to loudly ask "Is that you Emi ?" ( I find this kind of ... thing dull, redundant and moronic ! I just fuckin' stated it was me. )
He goes on about the fact he bought my DVDs and they are in my room - I am not that idiot, I have seen them on the corner of my furniture piece and the bill too.
I get out the money of my wallet - 80$ in 20$ bills and a 5$ bill to reach 85$, but I say that if he has change for a 20$ - I have one more to reach the agreed amount of 95$ for the 3 DVD series.
Instead of just plain and simple take the money, give me the change and move on, he took a whole half an hour rambling about honesty, counting over and over the bills, throwing them on the living room coffee table like a professional mafioso man, throwing 2$ coins along side his 5$ bill in the same fashion and rambling on and on and on about the agreement of that amount of my DVDs and the bill and the total and ... I was keeping calm, but I was totally fed up and annoyed. I mean, for fuck's sake, just count the damn bills, give back what you want and move on ! It's only a 100$ not a million !!
Then mom came home.
This episode just ... exploded like a natural geyser when dad asked if we were going back to our home town village because my sister wants to go back in March. My mom said that yes, but that Nothing was set in stone, nothing was sure since my sis wants the whole family to go back ( her husband, daughter, me and mom ) but she doesn't know when her husband can have vacations so Nothing is sure. Dad goes on :
He was sitting at the kitchen table, smoking. Mom just had a long day of work ( from 7 am to 4 pm ) and went on top to do some groceries, puts them down and Dad like a crow bird of ghastly bad future telling goes on " I had a vision ( dream ) of your mother. You should speak to your mother." My mother of course naturally asks when he had that dream, sight or what ever. Dad asks, in repetition - clue that it wasn't recent. Thus, not a true common phenomenon with a real death annunciation as it is quoted in some books on the topic. He goes on that he had that thing some time ago ! My mom asked - Since I was home for the past two months why didn't you told me this before ?? And she is absolutely right ! He, on the other (drunken) side just ketp on rambling that my maternal grand mother had cursed him ( his bad luck with work, his difficult and miserable life ). My mom defended her mother naturally and I agree with her, and said "I just come home from a long day of work - why do you tell me this now ?"
My mom, further one and sort of under the rush of a small vengeance, asked or said that dad's Mother was responsible for his doom. And dad - instead of defending her mother - repeated 3-4 times "Yes, my Mother is a whore!"
That completely shocked me !
In truth, his mother had fallen in love or has fallen under the charms of the young master of the house where she was working and serving as a cleaning girl and got pregnant. Of course, the young man being the heir of a good family, the girl being a poor ( I am not sure if she was orphan or not, but poor for sure ) couldn't stay there. This is a small village in 1930's or 40's Transylvania. A woman's virtue, honor and life was ruined by the passion of a man who'll never face charges, guilt or anything ! For him, it was a game, a pleasure moment (s) and nothing more. For her, shame, guilt, a kid to bring up on her own - a kid who wears her mother's name because she cannot bear her father's - being a bastard child.
The young woman eventually got a small one room house somehow, met a soldier, got married and had 4 more children with the man. The last one, being my father.
But what happened to her in her young years, in the circumstances of her life cannot be held against her and she does not deserve to be treated the whore word by her own child.
... I don't know to conclude this one, so I'll leave it as is - just saying that all this adds to the cup and one day soon, the cup will overflow.
Even if I have to take my mother with me in the new place.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Cultural perspectives and questionnings
I was randomly chatting with a work colleague this morning. I had left a comment in a game we play on facebook - it said : Bonsoir - Good evening - Jo estét ( which means good evening in Hungarian ) and we were discussing about how during the just past Holidays she never said Merry Christmas because it became politically incorrect as of recent ! I had left plenty of Merry Christmas wishes myself and I couldn't care less about who got offended or not.
Here in Québec we are plagued with something called "accomodements raisonables" - which can roughly be translated into "reasonable accommodations" or the art of being friendly, serviable and politically correct towards everyone, every culture and every nation possible which habits our vast territory, land - country.
I got shocked though.
I cannot say Merry Christmas in my country - free country, modern country, rich country. Canada. Why ? Because it's politically incorrect and it can hurt the feelings of non believers, non practionners and folks of other faiths and religions.
On the other side of the world, in Saudi Arabia, they decorated an 11 million dollar worth in a public place. Why ? Because it's the symbol of the Christmas holidays, it's fashionable and in my opinion - if they have the budget, why not ? They are actually showing an opening towards another culture, towards other habits of a particular time in the year.
Which topic brought us to the next.
It is now allowed by companies for the muslim praticant workers to take of time 5 times per day to pray but it is forbidden for the Christians and for the others to say Merry Christmas during the holidays at the end of the year, to enjoy the cheer, the spirits, the jolly mood as we have known it for centuries.
In the past - about 40 years ago - morning prayer ( christian prayer, catholic prayer ) was a mandatory thing in gatherings, meetings and schools.
Today it is forbidden, because we push the layman angle.
Yet ! the Muslim who practice their faith are granted 5 times per day time off their work to pray, because their faith asks for such devotion and because we are such an open minded country and government and culture - we allow it, we reasonably accommodate and we make new laws and rules to try to please everyone ... at the Very Clear and Destructive Erasing and Extermination of our own !
If anyone travels to countries where culture, faith and religion rule, the traveller is oblived to follow the rules of what ever the tradition asks for : veil, body all covered up, etc., and travellers agree without a protest.
Here, in a free country, agglomerate of all cultures of the world - we have such loose laws and regulations that we do not have a solid basis of our own. We do not have a solid standing rule and law that says : this is allowed, this is forbidden in this country, this is how you you behave if you travel or live here. We allow anything and everything and we are shocked when our own culture fades away, swallowed by the incoming cultures.
I do not blame them, I do not stand against their culture. But there are limits of how friendly and willingly idiots we are, or can be.
I think it's unfair that we bend to every possible rule in other countries and let our own culture, religion and faith just fade away !
I find it completely unfair to be forbidden to have Christmas trees in airports, to say Merry Christmas and to sing Christmas songs because it can politically incorrect towards other cultures.
I ask - so then, how come that Chinese New Year is not offensive to our culture and customs ? How come we do not say nothing against Bar Mitzvah, and pushing it further, we do not even educate our own kids to have their Catechism done ? Are we that ashamed of our Christian faith and religion ? I am aware of the Silent Revolution here in Québec in the 1960's but is that a reason to completely shove off our culture ? How come Muslim faith followers can take off time 5 times a day to follow their religion's rules and we think that a simple Christian prayer is an offense before a meeting ? Since when did an immigrant religion became better than the local indigenous one ?
And this is valid for Christians to try to impose their faiths in villages in Laos, China, Vietnam and all over the world where Missionaries go.
Each culture and country, each gathering of people, should have and be proud of their own faith and traditions, keep it and share it, but not impose it upon other countries, gatherings of people and communities.
We are slowly killing diversity and going back to the eternal fight of "my faith is better than your faith and my god is stronger than your god" and we do wars and conflicts, invoking those gods and kill, torture and harm the innocent.
I say it's all Bullshit !
oh and ...
Merry Christmas and may God bless your New Year !
Here in Québec we are plagued with something called "accomodements raisonables" - which can roughly be translated into "reasonable accommodations" or the art of being friendly, serviable and politically correct towards everyone, every culture and every nation possible which habits our vast territory, land - country.
I got shocked though.
I cannot say Merry Christmas in my country - free country, modern country, rich country. Canada. Why ? Because it's politically incorrect and it can hurt the feelings of non believers, non practionners and folks of other faiths and religions.
On the other side of the world, in Saudi Arabia, they decorated an 11 million dollar worth in a public place. Why ? Because it's the symbol of the Christmas holidays, it's fashionable and in my opinion - if they have the budget, why not ? They are actually showing an opening towards another culture, towards other habits of a particular time in the year.
Which topic brought us to the next.
It is now allowed by companies for the muslim praticant workers to take of time 5 times per day to pray but it is forbidden for the Christians and for the others to say Merry Christmas during the holidays at the end of the year, to enjoy the cheer, the spirits, the jolly mood as we have known it for centuries.
In the past - about 40 years ago - morning prayer ( christian prayer, catholic prayer ) was a mandatory thing in gatherings, meetings and schools.
Today it is forbidden, because we push the layman angle.
Yet ! the Muslim who practice their faith are granted 5 times per day time off their work to pray, because their faith asks for such devotion and because we are such an open minded country and government and culture - we allow it, we reasonably accommodate and we make new laws and rules to try to please everyone ... at the Very Clear and Destructive Erasing and Extermination of our own !
If anyone travels to countries where culture, faith and religion rule, the traveller is oblived to follow the rules of what ever the tradition asks for : veil, body all covered up, etc., and travellers agree without a protest.
Here, in a free country, agglomerate of all cultures of the world - we have such loose laws and regulations that we do not have a solid basis of our own. We do not have a solid standing rule and law that says : this is allowed, this is forbidden in this country, this is how you you behave if you travel or live here. We allow anything and everything and we are shocked when our own culture fades away, swallowed by the incoming cultures.
I do not blame them, I do not stand against their culture. But there are limits of how friendly and willingly idiots we are, or can be.
I think it's unfair that we bend to every possible rule in other countries and let our own culture, religion and faith just fade away !
I find it completely unfair to be forbidden to have Christmas trees in airports, to say Merry Christmas and to sing Christmas songs because it can politically incorrect towards other cultures.
I ask - so then, how come that Chinese New Year is not offensive to our culture and customs ? How come we do not say nothing against Bar Mitzvah, and pushing it further, we do not even educate our own kids to have their Catechism done ? Are we that ashamed of our Christian faith and religion ? I am aware of the Silent Revolution here in Québec in the 1960's but is that a reason to completely shove off our culture ? How come Muslim faith followers can take off time 5 times a day to follow their religion's rules and we think that a simple Christian prayer is an offense before a meeting ? Since when did an immigrant religion became better than the local indigenous one ?
And this is valid for Christians to try to impose their faiths in villages in Laos, China, Vietnam and all over the world where Missionaries go.
Each culture and country, each gathering of people, should have and be proud of their own faith and traditions, keep it and share it, but not impose it upon other countries, gatherings of people and communities.
We are slowly killing diversity and going back to the eternal fight of "my faith is better than your faith and my god is stronger than your god" and we do wars and conflicts, invoking those gods and kill, torture and harm the innocent.
I say it's all Bullshit !
oh and ...
Merry Christmas and may God bless your New Year !
Monday, January 03, 2011
New year bleh
I don't even know how to really start this blog.
I feel like not being myself - like having let down my projects, my goals, my dreams.
I guess it started last April when I got my current job. At first it was great for the income money, security of something, and a healing balm on my feeling of misery and failure ( after a 3 year program, not finding a job in my field, having yet another time invested time and money and coming out without income, success or any such thing which makes one feel accomplished).
So the job helped, at first I had hopes of permanency, later, the though of my position being only temporary through agency comforted me. But with time, it took a toll on me. I started to eat my soul, but gave something in exchange : I loved my team, my work, my responsibilities, I came of help to my department, I felt useful and appreciated, at a certain level.
Sure the amount of travel there and back slowly started to slowly build up, but it really became problematic in late fall, and winter. When one finishes work at 4:30 pm, but gets home at 7, 8pm, it is discouraging.
And because of the nature of the company, of the work itself, there are peak times and low times in the year. Winter being a low empty one, since planes cannot fly as regularly because of mechanical caused by weather and weather itself.
The summer temporarly fulfilled me, made me forget about what was worrying me - but sooner or later the deep rises to the surface and yet again a feeling of having wasted my life has taken me over.
I haven't had any real occasion to do photography, to travel around, to discover - but with stolen moments.
In October I had a day off due to an interview to a potential job in my field, which left me a very cold impression, but gave me a great sight to take photos of at least.
But how many days I was on my bus, longing to take pictures of that path, with glorious cherry blossoms in the spring, but felt too bad to ask a sick day, felt too guilty to come in late - since I had no valid excuse and wanted to make sure to be a hard worker - an honest person, responsible and be there on time to build myself a good reputation.
But I let my private life aside, my hobbies, what made me happy, and thrilled about life.
Photoshop illustrations, sharing photos, keeping my photo blog updated, sharing home made junk food recipes - I was longing to make myself a professional looking flickr account but never passed the strep of getting the pro account.
I feel like not being myself - like having let down my projects, my goals, my dreams.
I guess it started last April when I got my current job. At first it was great for the income money, security of something, and a healing balm on my feeling of misery and failure ( after a 3 year program, not finding a job in my field, having yet another time invested time and money and coming out without income, success or any such thing which makes one feel accomplished).
So the job helped, at first I had hopes of permanency, later, the though of my position being only temporary through agency comforted me. But with time, it took a toll on me. I started to eat my soul, but gave something in exchange : I loved my team, my work, my responsibilities, I came of help to my department, I felt useful and appreciated, at a certain level.
Sure the amount of travel there and back slowly started to slowly build up, but it really became problematic in late fall, and winter. When one finishes work at 4:30 pm, but gets home at 7, 8pm, it is discouraging.
And because of the nature of the company, of the work itself, there are peak times and low times in the year. Winter being a low empty one, since planes cannot fly as regularly because of mechanical caused by weather and weather itself.
The summer temporarly fulfilled me, made me forget about what was worrying me - but sooner or later the deep rises to the surface and yet again a feeling of having wasted my life has taken me over.
I haven't had any real occasion to do photography, to travel around, to discover - but with stolen moments.
In October I had a day off due to an interview to a potential job in my field, which left me a very cold impression, but gave me a great sight to take photos of at least.
But how many days I was on my bus, longing to take pictures of that path, with glorious cherry blossoms in the spring, but felt too bad to ask a sick day, felt too guilty to come in late - since I had no valid excuse and wanted to make sure to be a hard worker - an honest person, responsible and be there on time to build myself a good reputation.
But I let my private life aside, my hobbies, what made me happy, and thrilled about life.
Photoshop illustrations, sharing photos, keeping my photo blog updated, sharing home made junk food recipes - I was longing to make myself a professional looking flickr account but never passed the strep of getting the pro account.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
You think you want something
Because it's fancy, it's costly, it might bring you more than what you have at the current moment but... do you really want it ?
Example 1 : Volks limited Charlotte BJD doll which I found on a Danny Choo blog entry and instantly fell in love with and ... I was ready to bust 1,500$ US on it ! The next day, I saw it - random search on Den of Angels and it was announced for 1,250$ US and yet - I was ready again to get it.
Until the evening of the same night, when I went to Soom Doll site. And when I saw her. Better price, better looking, and her young adult offers advantages a kid looking face/body cannot - it has more limitations for what I know I would have planned in the future.
Good thing I didn't jump into the first purchase ! For that same price, I can get the doll and the clothes I want.
Example 2 : In the summer, I completely fell in love with the Olympus EPL-1 Pen camera which is about a small dslr point and shoot style. I loved it at first sight because it was small, reflex, digital and offered in the basic lens kit a lens that was in the10's or 20's of mm which is basically wide angle, normal, landscape. But that camera had a price I wasn't yet ready to spend for a small compact camera.
Good thing, again, I didn't bought it because I found - still in my beloved Canon Family - the perfect little point and shoot camera in the Canon PowerShot SD3500 IS ( pink of course ) which does exactly ( !! ) what I want it to do : high quality pictures ( 14mp ) from landscape perspective ( 24mm ) the 5x zoom is the least of my worries since I am already equipped with a Canon EOS 50D and a Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS for the zooming options, and other various needs. I have to add that the video quality is incredible ! I don't know if they inserted a lens flare "thingie" in their lens, but filming water on the lake St-Louis came out way less "light lined" as when I used to do it with the SX10 IS. ( normally, a special lens on is used with DSRL to diminish and cut that counter effect of light ) So yet another win.
And finally coming to example number 3. The most recent and the most life changing one. I graduated last year in Medical Archives from O'Sullivan College and I after 3 years of pain and much energy put into it, I was sort of hoping that the real life deal would bring me peace with something that these famous 3 years thrown in the mud and shredded to confetti.
In the beginning, I didn't even had job offers. When I did and applied, I never got answers back. Once I applied two different times, having received the offer two times and neither once did I even got as much as an answer that they got my application form. Not even that little courtesy. Other offers were geographically located at the extremes of Québec province and I didn't felt like braving that kind of an adventure : to go live in God knows where north city and build myself a life up there, from scratch, away from everyone and everything I know.
More than a year later, I finally get an offer in Montreal and it's from a place where I always dreamed of working. But it's also the best example of how illusions can be of the sparkles and how reality can deceive and not be at all how one could have dreamed it.
I finally had a job offer for Douglas Psychiatric Institution, here in Montreal. Always wanted to - dreamed of it, talked about it in college, burnt everyone's ears with it.
Now that I had the occasion, I find it ... rather cold and ... I know it was only an interview, but an interview goes both ways. Both parties judge the other one and I personally didn't quite like the cold attitude of the Medical Archives Chief person.
That detached coldness ... really doesn't inspire me to want to be more in contact with that person.
And I realized that - it's been over a year ! since I graduated. I saw psychiatric case once in the final exam for the course... they would need to train me from A to Z and I would need to completely re-learn which I really don't have the ... motivation to do so !
My current job location is a drain for the time it takes me but I love it ! I feel secure there, I love my team and I love my simple job. Lesser pay but I don't care - i still could manage to live decently and afford my hobbies.
If Douglas calls back - in a couple of weeks - I am personally not accepting. Though I wish they wouldn't call back - I wish they find two candidates who'd really appreciate and need those two positions because I won't - I don't want anymore.
Example 1 : Volks limited Charlotte BJD doll which I found on a Danny Choo blog entry and instantly fell in love with and ... I was ready to bust 1,500$ US on it ! The next day, I saw it - random search on Den of Angels and it was announced for 1,250$ US and yet - I was ready again to get it.
Until the evening of the same night, when I went to Soom Doll site. And when I saw her. Better price, better looking, and her young adult offers advantages a kid looking face/body cannot - it has more limitations for what I know I would have planned in the future.
Good thing I didn't jump into the first purchase ! For that same price, I can get the doll and the clothes I want.
Example 2 : In the summer, I completely fell in love with the Olympus EPL-1 Pen camera which is about a small dslr point and shoot style. I loved it at first sight because it was small, reflex, digital and offered in the basic lens kit a lens that was in the10's or 20's of mm which is basically wide angle, normal, landscape. But that camera had a price I wasn't yet ready to spend for a small compact camera.
Good thing, again, I didn't bought it because I found - still in my beloved Canon Family - the perfect little point and shoot camera in the Canon PowerShot SD3500 IS ( pink of course ) which does exactly ( !! ) what I want it to do : high quality pictures ( 14mp ) from landscape perspective ( 24mm ) the 5x zoom is the least of my worries since I am already equipped with a Canon EOS 50D and a Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS for the zooming options, and other various needs. I have to add that the video quality is incredible ! I don't know if they inserted a lens flare "thingie" in their lens, but filming water on the lake St-Louis came out way less "light lined" as when I used to do it with the SX10 IS. ( normally, a special lens on is used with DSRL to diminish and cut that counter effect of light ) So yet another win.
And finally coming to example number 3. The most recent and the most life changing one. I graduated last year in Medical Archives from O'Sullivan College and I after 3 years of pain and much energy put into it, I was sort of hoping that the real life deal would bring me peace with something that these famous 3 years thrown in the mud and shredded to confetti.
In the beginning, I didn't even had job offers. When I did and applied, I never got answers back. Once I applied two different times, having received the offer two times and neither once did I even got as much as an answer that they got my application form. Not even that little courtesy. Other offers were geographically located at the extremes of Québec province and I didn't felt like braving that kind of an adventure : to go live in God knows where north city and build myself a life up there, from scratch, away from everyone and everything I know.
More than a year later, I finally get an offer in Montreal and it's from a place where I always dreamed of working. But it's also the best example of how illusions can be of the sparkles and how reality can deceive and not be at all how one could have dreamed it.
I finally had a job offer for Douglas Psychiatric Institution, here in Montreal. Always wanted to - dreamed of it, talked about it in college, burnt everyone's ears with it.
Now that I had the occasion, I find it ... rather cold and ... I know it was only an interview, but an interview goes both ways. Both parties judge the other one and I personally didn't quite like the cold attitude of the Medical Archives Chief person.
That detached coldness ... really doesn't inspire me to want to be more in contact with that person.
And I realized that - it's been over a year ! since I graduated. I saw psychiatric case once in the final exam for the course... they would need to train me from A to Z and I would need to completely re-learn which I really don't have the ... motivation to do so !
My current job location is a drain for the time it takes me but I love it ! I feel secure there, I love my team and I love my simple job. Lesser pay but I don't care - i still could manage to live decently and afford my hobbies.
If Douglas calls back - in a couple of weeks - I am personally not accepting. Though I wish they wouldn't call back - I wish they find two candidates who'd really appreciate and need those two positions because I won't - I don't want anymore.
Monday, September 20, 2010
So is life meant to be ...
a long river of "acceptance and compromises" without the thrill of passionate love or are my self defence mechanisms way to fucking strong for my own good ... ?
and here I go again in the white thick mist of my doubts, back in my own white darkness again - the night is dark, the snow is white and comfortingly white and fluffy, the sky is clear with stars, but the stars are so distant and unreachable ...
and here I go again in the white thick mist of my doubts, back in my own white darkness again - the night is dark, the snow is white and comfortingly white and fluffy, the sky is clear with stars, but the stars are so distant and unreachable ...
Friday, September 10, 2010
And I am doubting again
and I epic fail at ... considering ...
I mean it felt so fucking weird to have a real man sitting at my table meeting my parents ! it's not me ! it's not who I am.
I always saw myself as those 40-50 year old single men, lonesome wolf type of, "le célibataire endurci" from the 80's movies - the tough guys, either divorced or never married. That was MY life path all traced for me ! Apartment, job, life, best friend.
Apartment. My Current Job. My Little Brother.
and my photography hobby. No need for a partner, a relationship or that kinda thing.
I think I tried - but I just proved to myself that I am NOT made for that type of life.
I don't see myself ... getting married and having kids. At least not with the current one.
I want Henri. So desperately want him.
I mean it felt so fucking weird to have a real man sitting at my table meeting my parents ! it's not me ! it's not who I am.
I always saw myself as those 40-50 year old single men, lonesome wolf type of, "le célibataire endurci" from the 80's movies - the tough guys, either divorced or never married. That was MY life path all traced for me ! Apartment, job, life, best friend.
Apartment. My Current Job. My Little Brother.
and my photography hobby. No need for a partner, a relationship or that kinda thing.
I think I tried - but I just proved to myself that I am NOT made for that type of life.
I don't see myself ... getting married and having kids. At least not with the current one.
I want Henri. So desperately want him.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I guess I'll never be ready
Today, for some odd reason and just for the kicks, I created myself a profile over plenty of fish . com - a dating site. I came to know of it's existence through a coworker's who's sister is on the site.
I guess I created a profile for the kicks but only 2 hours after I feel like deleting it.
Maybe I am simply not ready and never will be ready to face a real relationship.
I been falling in love with virtual men since I'm 8. The few real man I loved with the same burning passion either didn't love me back or the ones who did, I didn't love them back so - let's face it. It wasn't meant to be happening for me. Not in this lifetime.
And - it has been actually comforting to love an idea ghost. Sabik beat the record of all my men put together ! Where most lovers lasted max 6 months, he lasted 2 years !
And now, Henri is sort of ... occupying the throne of my heart. Which doesn't leave an empty spot for any other ... beau.
I guess I created a profile for the kicks but only 2 hours after I feel like deleting it.
Maybe I am simply not ready and never will be ready to face a real relationship.
I been falling in love with virtual men since I'm 8. The few real man I loved with the same burning passion either didn't love me back or the ones who did, I didn't love them back so - let's face it. It wasn't meant to be happening for me. Not in this lifetime.
And - it has been actually comforting to love an idea ghost. Sabik beat the record of all my men put together ! Where most lovers lasted max 6 months, he lasted 2 years !
And now, Henri is sort of ... occupying the throne of my heart. Which doesn't leave an empty spot for any other ... beau.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
White pants on a red day
I should have known better. A night in the arms of two blond men, followed by a night with Andrew only could foretold the upcoming monthly joy of the female flood. I even joked about it with a friend on msn but failed to take into consideration the screaming signals and had the most wonderful idea of putting on my pale beige tight pants (first gift from my first ex upon my change of looks) and voila ! I couldn't have picked a better day !
I just pray now that no ... bad omen will leak through the improvised barrier.
I just pray now that no ... bad omen will leak through the improvised barrier.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
JoeJoe
| Joe D. | Joe Anderson |
| black hair blue eyes - curly, short | blond, straight, long |
| work colleague | actor |
| Irish/American/Canadian | English |
| blue eyes - almost washed off jeans | blue eyes - deep and intense like Guy Pearce |
| ~ somewhere in his 40's | late 20's (one year older than me) |
| can't imagine working without him | can't imagine working With him ! |
| adore him | major crush for the next 3 months |
| met : first day of work | saw first time : The Crazies |
| love his laughter and chatting | love his acting |
Monday, July 19, 2010
Those classics from my youth
My dad is re-tapping - recording on dvd - old movies he had recorded on VHS and among those are really old classics of my youth which I haven't yet seen on DVD, but beyond recuperating digital data, it's the memories, the "what forged me" my ideals and my fantasies that bring to this activity such a meaningful and unique vibe.
Pirates Island (1991) was a classic and a huge fave of mine! A bunch of kids have a planned trip aboard a hot aired balloon which turns bad and find themselves on an island where pirates rule the game ! It's fascinating to see that the pirates live in their own little society with rules, social classes and rules, and yet a plane and scream and go hide and go back to normal as if nothing was but they don't know of Australia - because it's not even on their maps !
This is a personal opinion, but if I would have to compare that movie - made back then, with today's mentality and style of directing... I find myself loving the old simple things a whole lot better. For instance, the adventure is about 3 boys and one girl. But oh - miracle - no sex allusions, no bad jokes, no wet tee-shirts to show off boobs - only the guys get to show off their mid-teen bodies (especially the hero, Tony (played by Les Hill) who was the local hottie, sexy bad boy and yet know it all ! He even kids around that let's see if what they teach kids in school can actually be useful and save their lives ! Back then, a sexy hot looking know it all bad boy was credible and was acceptable, was a standard, or an ideal even ! No wonder I fell head over heals for Andrew later on ;) university graduate and rocker.
Back then, the girl could be intelligent, cool and not be the local rape material. She could be in danger - as much as the boys, get out, be intelligent, cute, clever. All in one, like a real individual and not only a joke or an exageration of a stereotypical social image.
I miss how things were simple, magic and how scenarios had everything i takes to make a good movie, even if it's a youth movie for the TV audience. No fake - no making too much outta a simple thing.
Pirates Island (1991) was a classic and a huge fave of mine! A bunch of kids have a planned trip aboard a hot aired balloon which turns bad and find themselves on an island where pirates rule the game ! It's fascinating to see that the pirates live in their own little society with rules, social classes and rules, and yet a plane and scream and go hide and go back to normal as if nothing was but they don't know of Australia - because it's not even on their maps !
This is a personal opinion, but if I would have to compare that movie - made back then, with today's mentality and style of directing... I find myself loving the old simple things a whole lot better. For instance, the adventure is about 3 boys and one girl. But oh - miracle - no sex allusions, no bad jokes, no wet tee-shirts to show off boobs - only the guys get to show off their mid-teen bodies (especially the hero, Tony (played by Les Hill) who was the local hottie, sexy bad boy and yet know it all ! He even kids around that let's see if what they teach kids in school can actually be useful and save their lives ! Back then, a sexy hot looking know it all bad boy was credible and was acceptable, was a standard, or an ideal even ! No wonder I fell head over heals for Andrew later on ;) university graduate and rocker.
Back then, the girl could be intelligent, cool and not be the local rape material. She could be in danger - as much as the boys, get out, be intelligent, cute, clever. All in one, like a real individual and not only a joke or an exageration of a stereotypical social image.
I miss how things were simple, magic and how scenarios had everything i takes to make a good movie, even if it's a youth movie for the TV audience. No fake - no making too much outta a simple thing.
Monday, June 28, 2010
June went by
And didn't wave bye.
I remember doing my work when C. asked me if I had two hours so she could show me the new tasks.
I remember my team leader asking me if I wanted to assume that job after C.'s leave on maternity leave. I remember I said yes with enthusiasm, ready to take a new challenge.
I remember as if it was yesterday and yet it was in the first week of June.
Juuuune where have you gone ?
I did one week under J.'s supervision, he's my next desk neighbour and Life Savior. Next week he was on vacation so I had this newly acquired work, with still a few questions, my previous tasks and even thought I mastered that week (monthly crap, around 2k in cash on Monday, many many checks during that week, and all deposits being done by me alone) like a pro but God was I relieved when J. came back !
There was an aspect of my new task I didn't quite understood and it had fallen a little behind, even though I tried to do it every day as much as I could to keep it updated.
So there I was today, with 10 wires left to do, with bank activity statements that we had received the money but no information from the Credit and Collection department - and there I was, feeling like Oliver Twist in front of a bureaucratic task. Not quite knowing what to do and my team leader asking me via email why they were not done.
Simply because my training was rushed - 4 days reduced to 4 hours, because work accumulated during the weeks and because doing the mail and the sales reports takes more time than anything else !
On one hand, my team leader asks me to prioritize the trade cheques - no problem. Than, log the received sales reports first - not a problem either, but with the quantity I receive on Mondays and Thursdays and when it comes late, please do not plan on chopping my head off - I am barely doing what I can in the time I have ! Than, my team leader's boss asks me how far back I am in the manifests (which were my primary task before mail, upon my arrival at this job). It seriously accumulated like crazy ! It had piled up to make a pile the size of a monthly cargo manifest basket (let's just say a freakin' load!) So I took some time on quiet Friday (past) to get rid of some of the manifests and keep up to date with that.
Monday morning I set my mind to finish all the wires for June - which I succeeded, except those famous 10 for which I needed the assistance of higher ups and I don't want to sound mean or anything, but the lady has this way of talking to me, or looking at me, making me feel like a complete idiot ! I know I am not a sales, finance accountant clerk, but if one person would simply clearly explain me the work - I can grasp the logic and do it properly ! Give me some credit, for Pete's sake ! But please do not expect me to read minds ! People drop papers on my desk and expect me to know instantly what do with it ! At the moment, I do 4 different tasks ! with each of them having main goals, sub goals, side goals and time limits ! So please bear with me !
And we are closing the month of June and June is over ! It felt like those promised 4 days reduced to 4 hours.
But I am ready for July ! Bring it on !
I remember doing my work when C. asked me if I had two hours so she could show me the new tasks.
I remember my team leader asking me if I wanted to assume that job after C.'s leave on maternity leave. I remember I said yes with enthusiasm, ready to take a new challenge.
I remember as if it was yesterday and yet it was in the first week of June.
Juuuune where have you gone ?
I did one week under J.'s supervision, he's my next desk neighbour and Life Savior. Next week he was on vacation so I had this newly acquired work, with still a few questions, my previous tasks and even thought I mastered that week (monthly crap, around 2k in cash on Monday, many many checks during that week, and all deposits being done by me alone) like a pro but God was I relieved when J. came back !
There was an aspect of my new task I didn't quite understood and it had fallen a little behind, even though I tried to do it every day as much as I could to keep it updated.
So there I was today, with 10 wires left to do, with bank activity statements that we had received the money but no information from the Credit and Collection department - and there I was, feeling like Oliver Twist in front of a bureaucratic task. Not quite knowing what to do and my team leader asking me via email why they were not done.
Simply because my training was rushed - 4 days reduced to 4 hours, because work accumulated during the weeks and because doing the mail and the sales reports takes more time than anything else !
On one hand, my team leader asks me to prioritize the trade cheques - no problem. Than, log the received sales reports first - not a problem either, but with the quantity I receive on Mondays and Thursdays and when it comes late, please do not plan on chopping my head off - I am barely doing what I can in the time I have ! Than, my team leader's boss asks me how far back I am in the manifests (which were my primary task before mail, upon my arrival at this job). It seriously accumulated like crazy ! It had piled up to make a pile the size of a monthly cargo manifest basket (let's just say a freakin' load!) So I took some time on quiet Friday (past) to get rid of some of the manifests and keep up to date with that.
Monday morning I set my mind to finish all the wires for June - which I succeeded, except those famous 10 for which I needed the assistance of higher ups and I don't want to sound mean or anything, but the lady has this way of talking to me, or looking at me, making me feel like a complete idiot ! I know I am not a sales, finance accountant clerk, but if one person would simply clearly explain me the work - I can grasp the logic and do it properly ! Give me some credit, for Pete's sake ! But please do not expect me to read minds ! People drop papers on my desk and expect me to know instantly what do with it ! At the moment, I do 4 different tasks ! with each of them having main goals, sub goals, side goals and time limits ! So please bear with me !
And we are closing the month of June and June is over ! It felt like those promised 4 days reduced to 4 hours.
But I am ready for July ! Bring it on !
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Welcome to Ubuntu - please let your joy scream free
Okay - so today I finally moved tot he Other Side and downloaded Ubuntu 10.04 to install it on my laptop (Acer Aspire 5720 bought in September 2007 I believe with Windows Vista by default. Back then - I would have killed for Vista ! Why ? Compared to fade Windows XP - Vista had the sexy slick glass looks. Yes, I am shallow.
I couldn't update the Windows in December of that year, because I don't have a rooter at home and something just fucked up - I shouldn't have disabled the default firewall - maybe it was what triggered the whole drama. Anyway, I ended up with a seriously fucked up laptop - not running decently half the time. In the last two years - enormous amounts of crashing, blue screens and error messages.
One day I just had enough.
Firstly, uninstalling vista was a plain fucking nightmarish pain in the ass ! Right-clicking on the C-drive and selecting format didn't do anything about it. I never found the format thing in the menu either and boot from cd ? forget it ! It took me half the day to discover that by default, that option was disabled in the moot mode when launching the computer.
I did it my way then. Manually deleted a few files in C drive - put in the Ubuntu bootable cd and F12-ed the whole thing.
Of course, Ubuntu being the generous self it is - offered to split the drive, but I chose a complete erasing of windows and full space for the new kid on the Pc. Loaded like a charm ! Much faster than Windows.
Set up in 7 steps could have been ran with success by a 10 year old kid or younger !
Defaulft screen after I picked a wallpaper
A selection of wallpapers
Menu - this is the equivalent of Windows start button
Games menu
Graphics - Notice how it's easy - convenient and a bliss to navigate : very logic
Office - Open office is the Free equivalent of Windows Microsoft Office - with also a very logic, easy to naviguate and user friendly design - the very recent versions, on top, are fully compatible with microsoft office formats ;)
Your Media center : watch, edit, make movies - burn dvds - record sounds
This is the same as Windows Control Panel
Instead of having zillions of icons of shortcutes on your desktop - Ubuntu likes to have them all organized in one neat drop down menu ! If you look for the trashbin, by the way, it's the last icon in the very bottom of the right hand side corner ! after the 4 boxes which are 4 other customizable desktops ;) Because that is the charm of Ubuntu : you can run 12 desktops if you need that much ;) This is the default one. Lucid Lynx is the latest they launched and there are others.
The System Preferences lets you fully customize your environment as your heart wishes - down the fonts and sizes ! And they do have some pretty cute and fancy and yet classy and readable fonts !
As mentionned : you can pick the font you want for the various "sections" of your Pc - general appearance - documentes - so you can have 5 different types of fonts running as default fonts.
Inserted a local Québec production movie Good Cop - Bad Cop
Very soft on the eyes - a part of the menu with the playlist simple and neat on the right hand side.
Screen saver selection ! I absolutely Love this ant ! so cuuute !
This lamp imitates glass fiber glasses and actually changes colors randomly
Ubuntu coders didn't forget that among their uses - there are females who like fluffy cute pink stuff !
If you like biology - I strongly suggest the splitting cells ! it's life in front of your eyes !
And of corse - the Matrix code is among the best - and free ( !! ) default choices Ubuntu has :D I mean come on ! half the world if not more went nuts over that movie and we literally craved to get a piece of it ! any format was good.
This is what I was referring earlier on : you can have as many desktops running as you wish and you can navigate between them ! You need one desktop for professional purposes and looks ? fine. But you are a hardcore fan of SpongeBob Squarepants but it's not professional eh - screw limitations ! You can have both a boring yet corporately acceptable desktop and Bob making jelly fish bubbles in the one right next to it :D the better of all worlds.
Notepad ! Made intelligent and sexy and useful ! in all ways possible.
A notebook is similar to a folder ! See the logic ? You want to take notes about your biology course : make a notebook labeled Biology - and you automatically know that all your Bio notes are in there ! by default :D Like a folder or a an actual tabbed note pad ;)
Here you can see that the first note that I wrote, which I wanted in that specific note pad - has been automatically been inserted in it :D
Example of a quick note - and a wink at a friend ;)
Games !!! Hellyeah baby !! yes - there is a tetris in that group shot ! ( intelligent games, mah-jong, Mines, solitaire, tetris and sudoku !!) I haven't verified for all games but most of them : easy - medium - hard
A true classic - no matter the OS - Solitaire ! Except that with Ubuntu - you get a freakin' rich selection of types of solitaires ! explore the menus to discover new challenges
Intelligent games ! Because - why waste your time, if you can waste it and get more brilliant by the same occasion ? calculation - memory - logic - words - to make of you a clever person ;)
Example of an intelligent game : how many squares in total ?
^-^ yay I got it right !
I'm a mah-jong fan since grade school ! goodness gracious thank you Ubuntu ppl for having put this game in the default games !! of course the background color is customizable, as the softness of the tiles
Mines - yet another true classic :D
^__^ and voila ! my very first few hours on Ubuntu !
Fun facts :
Ubuntu starts and shuts down in about less than 5 seconds (with a 3 year old laptop with 2 gig ram)
file transfer is so freakin, quick - you don't have time to blink, even less for a coffee like with Windows.
This thing is fast !
Just like Windows vista, you can have your main home clock and as many other clocks as you wish -
I couldn't update the Windows in December of that year, because I don't have a rooter at home and something just fucked up - I shouldn't have disabled the default firewall - maybe it was what triggered the whole drama. Anyway, I ended up with a seriously fucked up laptop - not running decently half the time. In the last two years - enormous amounts of crashing, blue screens and error messages.
One day I just had enough.
Firstly, uninstalling vista was a plain fucking nightmarish pain in the ass ! Right-clicking on the C-drive and selecting format didn't do anything about it. I never found the format thing in the menu either and boot from cd ? forget it ! It took me half the day to discover that by default, that option was disabled in the moot mode when launching the computer.
I did it my way then. Manually deleted a few files in C drive - put in the Ubuntu bootable cd and F12-ed the whole thing.
Of course, Ubuntu being the generous self it is - offered to split the drive, but I chose a complete erasing of windows and full space for the new kid on the Pc. Loaded like a charm ! Much faster than Windows.
Set up in 7 steps could have been ran with success by a 10 year old kid or younger !
Defaulft screen after I picked a wallpaper
A selection of wallpapers
Menu - this is the equivalent of Windows start button
Games menu
Graphics - Notice how it's easy - convenient and a bliss to navigate : very logic
Office - Open office is the Free equivalent of Windows Microsoft Office - with also a very logic, easy to naviguate and user friendly design - the very recent versions, on top, are fully compatible with microsoft office formats ;)
Your Media center : watch, edit, make movies - burn dvds - record sounds
This is the same as Windows Control Panel
Instead of having zillions of icons of shortcutes on your desktop - Ubuntu likes to have them all organized in one neat drop down menu ! If you look for the trashbin, by the way, it's the last icon in the very bottom of the right hand side corner ! after the 4 boxes which are 4 other customizable desktops ;) Because that is the charm of Ubuntu : you can run 12 desktops if you need that much ;) This is the default one. Lucid Lynx is the latest they launched and there are others.
The System Preferences lets you fully customize your environment as your heart wishes - down the fonts and sizes ! And they do have some pretty cute and fancy and yet classy and readable fonts !
As mentionned : you can pick the font you want for the various "sections" of your Pc - general appearance - documentes - so you can have 5 different types of fonts running as default fonts.
Inserted a local Québec production movie Good Cop - Bad Cop
Very soft on the eyes - a part of the menu with the playlist simple and neat on the right hand side.
Screen saver selection ! I absolutely Love this ant ! so cuuute !
This lamp imitates glass fiber glasses and actually changes colors randomly
Ubuntu coders didn't forget that among their uses - there are females who like fluffy cute pink stuff !
If you like biology - I strongly suggest the splitting cells ! it's life in front of your eyes !
And of corse - the Matrix code is among the best - and free ( !! ) default choices Ubuntu has :D I mean come on ! half the world if not more went nuts over that movie and we literally craved to get a piece of it ! any format was good.
This is what I was referring earlier on : you can have as many desktops running as you wish and you can navigate between them ! You need one desktop for professional purposes and looks ? fine. But you are a hardcore fan of SpongeBob Squarepants but it's not professional eh - screw limitations ! You can have both a boring yet corporately acceptable desktop and Bob making jelly fish bubbles in the one right next to it :D the better of all worlds.
Notepad ! Made intelligent and sexy and useful ! in all ways possible.
A notebook is similar to a folder ! See the logic ? You want to take notes about your biology course : make a notebook labeled Biology - and you automatically know that all your Bio notes are in there ! by default :D Like a folder or a an actual tabbed note pad ;)
Here you can see that the first note that I wrote, which I wanted in that specific note pad - has been automatically been inserted in it :D
Example of a quick note - and a wink at a friend ;)
Games !!! Hellyeah baby !! yes - there is a tetris in that group shot ! ( intelligent games, mah-jong, Mines, solitaire, tetris and sudoku !!) I haven't verified for all games but most of them : easy - medium - hard
A true classic - no matter the OS - Solitaire ! Except that with Ubuntu - you get a freakin' rich selection of types of solitaires ! explore the menus to discover new challenges
Intelligent games ! Because - why waste your time, if you can waste it and get more brilliant by the same occasion ? calculation - memory - logic - words - to make of you a clever person ;)
Example of an intelligent game : how many squares in total ?
^-^ yay I got it right !
I'm a mah-jong fan since grade school ! goodness gracious thank you Ubuntu ppl for having put this game in the default games !! of course the background color is customizable, as the softness of the tiles
Mines - yet another true classic :D
^__^ and voila ! my very first few hours on Ubuntu !
Fun facts :
Ubuntu starts and shuts down in about less than 5 seconds (with a 3 year old laptop with 2 gig ram)
file transfer is so freakin, quick - you don't have time to blink, even less for a coffee like with Windows.
This thing is fast !
Just like Windows vista, you can have your main home clock and as many other clocks as you wish -
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I still feel lost
I dunno but everything at this moment in my life feels like falling apart. I don't know where I stand anymore. I feel more and more like a walking and thinking zombie.
I almost wish I could be otaku or more clearly hikikomori.
I don't know what I want - concretely. Or, no, I do. What botters me is the options. If my heart could stop shifting like a fucking balance long enough ! but sooner or late it shifts and there goes the other option on the rise.
I want my freedom - my own home - my own place. I don't want an apartment, though - i cannot stand that fucking neighborhood life ! I want quiet and isolated place.
Do I go with photography passion and have a side job or stay at my current job - if they want to keep me and have money income secured ?
I almost wish I could be otaku or more clearly hikikomori.
I don't know what I want - concretely. Or, no, I do. What botters me is the options. If my heart could stop shifting like a fucking balance long enough ! but sooner or late it shifts and there goes the other option on the rise.
I want my freedom - my own home - my own place. I don't want an apartment, though - i cannot stand that fucking neighborhood life ! I want quiet and isolated place.
Do I go with photography passion and have a side job or stay at my current job - if they want to keep me and have money income secured ?
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Revelation
*copied from live chat with lil bro today*
I think I decided I won't go to Dawson in photography this fall. Today it's been the second time that question was asked. The first time, I was in my second or third week at work and Debbie called me to Salvador's office (Debbie is my team leader, Salvador I have no flippin' idea - he's the head of Charter flights department i think but I could be wrong - he looks like a leader or a boss) and a third man, tall, blond 50's very British to the core accent who's an ever bigger boss ! He asked me how I see my future. I honestly replied that I subscribed at Dawson and I was awaiting an answer. Salvador explained a bit the procedure to him and I nodded.
Today, Debbie asked me if I had news of the school. I said no - not yet. And I realized something in the moment right after ! I didn't want to happen. I didn't any longer wanted to be accepted and if I was - I would refuse.
I honestly like my spot at Air Inuit ! I like the work, I don,t need to be fake around the ppl - there are small groups of friends but at the moment I'm with no one - in my circle - doing my work and no one takes it personally that I'm a bit silent and quiet and do the job ! As I told you - I always come in advance ( 8:15 though I am paid from 8:30), I don't take the 2 times 10 minutes break that I could normally take - I do an impeccable job ! very rarely mistakes and so minor that I can correct them at the second step of my work flow. I very rapidly grew at ease with my work - do it well - and I'm getting quicker and quicker.
Today, I had to do Joe's job (a part of it) since he's on vacation (he's my sort of guide ? helper - he shows me the stuff to do) and so I entered all the 48 checks we had received : it balanced out with the amount of the photocopies I had made ( meaning I didn't miss a single cent in the entry) for a first timer on the calculating machine with the paper roll - I felt happy and proud
you could have seen my fingers go with ease and comfort ! 
And as I was doing the rest of my work - I realized it.
I do photography for the thrills - because I love the shutter sound - for me it's ... aphrodisiac. It fully satisfies me to hear that sound - to press the button - to capture one second among all infinity of the past present and future. I love cameras and what I love is to collect them like trophies ! like an old sense of pride - yeah baby I can afford to throw 3k in a piece of metal junk ! I see the new Olympus Ep1 or 2 as a new "objet de convoitise" a something I need to own - i strive to own - I want to own !!
this morning, as I was rolling in the bus, I noticed how the lil perpendicular streets that touch Cote Vertu where I was - were so green with trees and grass and cute little houses ! I saw a couple to sale ...
I thought how wonderful it would be to be fully myself : buy the Japanese things i want, spend a fortune in delivery fees, buy the clothes I want, the PCs, the games, eat the stuff I want at the hour I want (if I want a burning hot tea at 9pm for example) go out on week ends - do the groceries and get what I want where I want ! sleep naked in winter, or watch torture movies when I have a down (martyrs and the horsemen for example - i was hooked on them last year in fall ... or before ? I was in a depressive period so uber dark movies with pain felt ... just right ! ) I want to buy dolls (Sabik for starters, and a few 50 more) and a canon EOS 50D Mark 2 with the chroma shit i saw on youtube and all that stuff.
I will have my own garden, flowers, vegetables, a pool even !
I want to have my own freedom - my own life - my own rules - my own responsibilities - my own thinking and deciding of stuff. My own way of spending the money I earned through my work.
And even if this doesn't pay nowhere near what I am supposed to get as a medical archivist - I think I honestly don't give an epic fuck ! Let's do life baby steps - like everyone else.
But I want my House !
I think I decided I won't go to Dawson in photography this fall. Today it's been the second time that question was asked. The first time, I was in my second or third week at work and Debbie called me to Salvador's office (Debbie is my team leader, Salvador I have no flippin' idea - he's the head of Charter flights department i think but I could be wrong - he looks like a leader or a boss) and a third man, tall, blond 50's very British to the core accent who's an ever bigger boss ! He asked me how I see my future. I honestly replied that I subscribed at Dawson and I was awaiting an answer. Salvador explained a bit the procedure to him and I nodded.
Today, Debbie asked me if I had news of the school. I said no - not yet. And I realized something in the moment right after ! I didn't want to happen. I didn't any longer wanted to be accepted and if I was - I would refuse.
I honestly like my spot at Air Inuit ! I like the work, I don,t need to be fake around the ppl - there are small groups of friends but at the moment I'm with no one - in my circle - doing my work and no one takes it personally that I'm a bit silent and quiet and do the job ! As I told you - I always come in advance ( 8:15 though I am paid from 8:30), I don't take the 2 times 10 minutes break that I could normally take - I do an impeccable job ! very rarely mistakes and so minor that I can correct them at the second step of my work flow. I very rapidly grew at ease with my work - do it well - and I'm getting quicker and quicker.
Today, I had to do Joe's job (a part of it) since he's on vacation (he's my sort of guide ? helper - he shows me the stuff to do) and so I entered all the 48 checks we had received : it balanced out with the amount of the photocopies I had made ( meaning I didn't miss a single cent in the entry) for a first timer on the calculating machine with the paper roll - I felt happy and proud
you could have seen my fingers go with ease and comfort ! And as I was doing the rest of my work - I realized it.
I do photography for the thrills - because I love the shutter sound - for me it's ... aphrodisiac. It fully satisfies me to hear that sound - to press the button - to capture one second among all infinity of the past present and future. I love cameras and what I love is to collect them like trophies ! like an old sense of pride - yeah baby I can afford to throw 3k in a piece of metal junk ! I see the new Olympus Ep1 or 2 as a new "objet de convoitise" a something I need to own - i strive to own - I want to own !!
this morning, as I was rolling in the bus, I noticed how the lil perpendicular streets that touch Cote Vertu where I was - were so green with trees and grass and cute little houses ! I saw a couple to sale ...
I thought how wonderful it would be to be fully myself : buy the Japanese things i want, spend a fortune in delivery fees, buy the clothes I want, the PCs, the games, eat the stuff I want at the hour I want (if I want a burning hot tea at 9pm for example) go out on week ends - do the groceries and get what I want where I want ! sleep naked in winter, or watch torture movies when I have a down (martyrs and the horsemen for example - i was hooked on them last year in fall ... or before ? I was in a depressive period so uber dark movies with pain felt ... just right ! ) I want to buy dolls (Sabik for starters, and a few 50 more) and a canon EOS 50D Mark 2 with the chroma shit i saw on youtube and all that stuff.
I will have my own garden, flowers, vegetables, a pool even !
I want to have my own freedom - my own life - my own rules - my own responsibilities - my own thinking and deciding of stuff. My own way of spending the money I earned through my work.
And even if this doesn't pay nowhere near what I am supposed to get as a medical archivist - I think I honestly don't give an epic fuck ! Let's do life baby steps - like everyone else.
But I want my House !
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Avatar the movie - epic fail
My dad bought the dvd so I am watching it.
1 - the american machismo is epic fail ! It's not by representing the marines as a bunch of heartless on steroids pushed by national ego and pride that the rest of the world will see them any better than a bunch of ruthless morons who'll take what ever they want no matter the ways.
2 - the pink flowers that Jake sees on his first day in the jungle ... if they saw BBC's Seas of LIfe - they wouldn't be so high and mighty about ... plants and stuff
3 - the landscapes being ouh lala : have they seen Lord of the Rings and Jurassic Parc saga ?
4 - the illuminated plants at night : have they seen The Last Rainforest ?
5 - And wow - the female blue cat speaks English. How convenient ! This is clearly a pure egoistical standpoint of vue, but when I daydreaming of White Darkness ( © me ) I do not speak Ancient Latin, and nor does Sabik and Sammael speak modern English or French to be convenient with me ! When I was in my Japanese moment, I didn't conveniently spoke Japanese and even if Kamenashi for the sake of the story spoke English, chose NOT TO, to make it more the experience of living in a foreign world. Are we that afraid that we cannot assume the differences where outside of our lil comfort zone ??
6 - illuminated path of moss as they walk : did you knew that there are fluorescent bacteria in the ocean waters which illuminate as you move if you are in the sea water at night ? and floating Medusa ... oh Christ, just go see a flippin' documentary about the seas and you'll see more than you ever wished for ! "pure spirits" ... yeah Medusa are pure too : they are brainless and yet they are among the most efficient killing machines down there.
7 - Ohh so there is a school to teach the locals English. Miracle it's not a religious based torture and rape seance tryin' to humanize the blue cats. Still - it's never explained HOW long it must have taken, how did the locals reacted when they first approached ? In Pocahantas at least, there is begining and an end. In this Avatar movie, it's Flat dive into it and accept it and be a happy moron.
8 - the tree of prayers and ancestors : again, pale imitation of Ferngully The Last Rainforest 3/4's end sequence.
9 - Oh yeah, that's it - fuck the enemy and than destroy their dreams and hopes ! Oh and yeah - total lack of communication ! No sense of knowing who is the local and who is your own damn rookie infiltrating them !
10 - the destruction of the forest and the ppl meeting in that tree of the ancestors : sooo Ferngully it's not even a funny copy paste.
11 - Grace (the woman chief scientist) swapping into the Na'vi Body : that is soo Ghost in the Shell spiritualized ! Two bodies - mind swapping. (not that I criticized the technological way of how the humans enter their avatars, but I have the same opinion about it. Ghost in the shell theory and fact applied to this movie. )
12 - Final conclusion : watch Ghost in the Shell : Innocence, to see real mind blowing visual technology.
1 - the american machismo is epic fail ! It's not by representing the marines as a bunch of heartless on steroids pushed by national ego and pride that the rest of the world will see them any better than a bunch of ruthless morons who'll take what ever they want no matter the ways.
2 - the pink flowers that Jake sees on his first day in the jungle ... if they saw BBC's Seas of LIfe - they wouldn't be so high and mighty about ... plants and stuff
3 - the landscapes being ouh lala : have they seen Lord of the Rings and Jurassic Parc saga ?
4 - the illuminated plants at night : have they seen The Last Rainforest ?
5 - And wow - the female blue cat speaks English. How convenient ! This is clearly a pure egoistical standpoint of vue, but when I daydreaming of White Darkness ( © me ) I do not speak Ancient Latin, and nor does Sabik and Sammael speak modern English or French to be convenient with me ! When I was in my Japanese moment, I didn't conveniently spoke Japanese and even if Kamenashi for the sake of the story spoke English, chose NOT TO, to make it more the experience of living in a foreign world. Are we that afraid that we cannot assume the differences where outside of our lil comfort zone ??
6 - illuminated path of moss as they walk : did you knew that there are fluorescent bacteria in the ocean waters which illuminate as you move if you are in the sea water at night ? and floating Medusa ... oh Christ, just go see a flippin' documentary about the seas and you'll see more than you ever wished for ! "pure spirits" ... yeah Medusa are pure too : they are brainless and yet they are among the most efficient killing machines down there.
7 - Ohh so there is a school to teach the locals English. Miracle it's not a religious based torture and rape seance tryin' to humanize the blue cats. Still - it's never explained HOW long it must have taken, how did the locals reacted when they first approached ? In Pocahantas at least, there is begining and an end. In this Avatar movie, it's Flat dive into it and accept it and be a happy moron.
8 - the tree of prayers and ancestors : again, pale imitation of Ferngully The Last Rainforest 3/4's end sequence.
9 - Oh yeah, that's it - fuck the enemy and than destroy their dreams and hopes ! Oh and yeah - total lack of communication ! No sense of knowing who is the local and who is your own damn rookie infiltrating them !
10 - the destruction of the forest and the ppl meeting in that tree of the ancestors : sooo Ferngully it's not even a funny copy paste.
11 - Grace (the woman chief scientist) swapping into the Na'vi Body : that is soo Ghost in the Shell spiritualized ! Two bodies - mind swapping. (not that I criticized the technological way of how the humans enter their avatars, but I have the same opinion about it. Ghost in the shell theory and fact applied to this movie. )
12 - Final conclusion : watch Ghost in the Shell : Innocence, to see real mind blowing visual technology.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Analogies which make you realize
I had found one my fave childhood authors on facebook and so of course I invited him to be friends. Taken by surprise that he accepted and blessed that he shares a few long chats with me - he made me realize something !
In this current third reply of his - we are discussing how authors influenced us and how he sees the authors which influence him. He used the analogy of an internship - taking what is useful and moving on. I on the opposite, with my romantic nature, take each author for a temporary lover, to whom I give a bit of my time and passion in exchange for his dreams and stories.
But what fascinates me is the exceptions rule. He quoted a few names and I thought of my bunch. Tanith Lee, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Judith Kellman. All females. Which basically just bashes the theory of the lovers. I can love men, I can be their passionate lover but in the end, the ones who completely marked me as a late teen and adult were females. (While I cannot deny that the 3-4 who greatly influenced me to life in my prime childhood are all males. )
I guess I am bi to the core. Even in the choice of my authors.
In this current third reply of his - we are discussing how authors influenced us and how he sees the authors which influence him. He used the analogy of an internship - taking what is useful and moving on. I on the opposite, with my romantic nature, take each author for a temporary lover, to whom I give a bit of my time and passion in exchange for his dreams and stories.
But what fascinates me is the exceptions rule. He quoted a few names and I thought of my bunch. Tanith Lee, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Judith Kellman. All females. Which basically just bashes the theory of the lovers. I can love men, I can be their passionate lover but in the end, the ones who completely marked me as a late teen and adult were females. (While I cannot deny that the 3-4 who greatly influenced me to life in my prime childhood are all males. )
I guess I am bi to the core. Even in the choice of my authors.
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