Tuesday, September 18, 2012

About the recent wave of violence in Muslim countries

So one man decided to make a movie ridiculing the prophet Mahomet. It is a questionable and condemnable action, I agree.

The movie has been leaked intentionally or unintentionally on the internet an we all know the mighty limitless powers of Youtube.

The Muslim / Islamic based people have fought last year - for a great many months for their freedom and their basic human rights against despotic and tyrannic rulers; blood was shed, lives were lost. That was somewhat acceptable, in the long run, because political systems changed and allowed the greater population to have a chance of a better life. It can be considered noble, even.

But in the end of summer 2012, Muslims suicide and killing other fellow innocents with them just to express their anger at the movie of ONE individual who probably did this in order to get some attention, is tragically lame, massively stupid and downright inexcusable!

ONE individual makes ONE movie and sparks ONE fire FUELED by A MINORITY which takes amplitude and kills innocent people of both American (aka the strangers, the outsiders, the "evil occidentals" and later of their own people. And yes - the Q'aran preaches love and help and tolerance and all the good things of life - like Jesus.

And if I remember correctly, the amount of atrocities committed in the Holy name of the Christ spans for over 2 thousand years and escalates in violence and stupidity.

WHY is that the radical minorities have the strongest impact on the majority of peaceful populations?

WHY can't we stop the fire now that it's yet in the beginning of it?

and mostly -

message to the Muslim people in the streets - and if someone wants to translate this in Arabic - you are most welcome to do so, I fully take credit for my words and thoughts.

WHY do you waste your time fueling and giving this egoistic idiot what he wants ? He made that movie OBVIOUSLY to insult your culture and religion because he Obviously KNEW the outcome of such actions from his part. We have a good amount of references from the past - it's not like he can say he didn't knew!

DO YOU REALIZE YOU ARE GIVING HIM MORE CREDIT THAN HE DESERVES? YOU HAVE FALLEN INTO HIS TRAP!

These people are egoistical beasts who do cheap thrill filled actions to get a maximum of attenion on them and he succeeded. The more you - the Muslims - go in the streets to express your anger (and you have the right to do, I am not denying that at all!) but the more you do so, the more you give HIM importance!

Please BE MORE INTELLIGENT than this demented ego boosted idiot and give YOURSELVES the right to be Above him.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Fake Rumors leading to death threats

I don't even know from where I want to start this entry.

Fact is - the matter of the content - the content to be written is just so astonishingly stupid it saps my inspiration.

The recent whirlwind of events make me wonder about things such as - for example - how the fanship fueled credulity of some fans can be a wild fire with devastating outcomes.

Once upon a time, a few days ago, it was rumored on twitter that actor Tom Hiddleston would appear on the Thor 2 movie shooting location. By Thursday or Friday, with the  lack of photos provided by the many spies swriling around the shooting location, the said actor had a considerable amount of hate tweets and even death threats sent to him - but very much so disappointed "fans".

Now - let me scalpel open this as a doctor would open a patient's chest for a heart transplant.

1 - Twitter.
It's Not Facebook and even Facebook can be fake so - it's not because the account name is Thor2TheMovie that you have blindfold trust everything it tweets!

With the amount of fake / fan / dedicated accounts for Tom and Loki and anything in that galaxy - confusion could have happened, I agree, especially if the account was NOT FOLLOWED by the movie crew or actors. I mean don't you think it would be just NORMAL for Tom or his agent or the producer or who ever is working on the movie to FOLLOW that account ? Seriously. Just think about it.

2 - Rumors.
Do you guys know the amount of logistics it takes on a daily basis on a shooting location? There are highly sensitive and costly material to move around, to keep safe. There are hundreds of staff people to have on location. There are good reasons why there is a tight schedule and there is a reason why scenes are shot in a specific order - which accommodates a maximum of working staff people. Weather, availability of equipment, of resources, of actors, of staff members working around the actors - everything is studied down to the iota to minimize the cost of budget. A movie is not done snapping fingers! And if an actor HIMSELF wouldn't tweet about being at a specific location at a specific time - why would anyone give so much credit to an unverified source?

Furthermore, if the actor didn't tweet such info or was requested NOT TO do it for security measures for example - didn't anyone thought of that? Have you considered that? Not all fans are happy little polite and respectful ones - and the people around the actor are very well aware of this aspect about their clients - so of course everything in their power to protect the said actor is used and it's just flat out normal!

Last but not least - can movie producers make a movie without the world knowing Everything about it before it is launched in the theater rooms? I mean what's the point of knowing and seeing everything beforehand ? Don't we go to see movies in theaters for a certain experience? To discover something - to enjoy the unexpected? If Thor was shot in Siberia in the middle of the winter - would you go there just to have a chance to see Tom ? It's not because the location is somewhat easy of access that you have the right or the permission to sneak around! There are tight rules about release of information for good reasons! Why do you think contracts have certain lines about confidentiality and such and so on?

I feel like we are killing the magic - raping the magician and roasting the bunny on a camping fire!

3 - Seriously - Do you seriously consider that Tom owes you or us anything ? It's as if the fans who believed those rumors believed that Tom is like a sort of best friend who had promised to pop in for a coffee and cancelled at the last minute. Even though Tom and his fans happen to have a very nice and close relationship - he still has the right first and foremost - to his own private life with his family, his agenda, his working schedules! He doesn't owe his fans anything! Especially if he wasn't even aware of the rumors going around. He is most probably not on Twitter and Facebook all day long checking out the countless things going around about him! He is an actor! He has lines to know by heart - he has scenes to practice! That requires a few technicalities like a quiet environment WITHOUT silly stupid time wasting distractions.

4 - Death Threats. Now - YOU CANNOT CALL YOURSELF A TOM HIDDLESTON FAN IF YOU DARE just dare think anything bad about him, even less send him angry hateful tweets and death threats ? Are you for real ? Who do you THINK you are ? What about respect ? It just shows how intolerant, how foolish, how naïve and how superficial you are! Would you send a death threat to your local grocery store cashier girl because you didn't find that box of cookies which was advertised to be on special on the shelves ? No, of course you wouldn't! So why in the name of good common sense would you flame an actor you supposedly admire? Have you people considered the consequences of these stupid actions on the long run? What if security tightens around him to protect him against such wild and inconsiderate "fans". What if he won't be so generous of his time in the future? Makes me wonder how old these barbaric retards really are! Because if this is how you admire your actors, singers and public figures - I don't want to know how you dare treat your own friends, family and pets!

It's already nice of him to actually be on twitter - which allows his fans to interact with him - we should be thankful and not deteriorate the situation and his trust in the other bunch of fans who do actually care for him and his safety.

All in all - it just shows how immature and bluntly stupid some people are.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Stuck in the elevator

I stole this one from ~misguidedghost777

Me and you are locked in the bathroom together... // Me and Tom Hiddleston // Samaël // Sabik // Henri Morvan stuck in an elevator

[x]1. Hardcore sex -- with the 3 last ones
[x]2. Talk about life -- all 4
[x]3. Play video games -- al 4
[x]4. Get drunk -- would be fun! (And I would trust these men not take advantage)
[x]5. Make out -- of course
[]6. Awkward... -- ope - i feel perfectly okay with these blokes
[x]7. Watch porn -- can it be gay ? with Sam and Sab only thought!
[x]8. Confide in each other -- of course -- all 4
[x]9. Quick kiss -- Tom on the cheek, the 3 others a little more explicitly passionate
[]10. Argue -- have no reason to
[]11. Try and get out -- if I really need to use a bathroom yes ...
[x]12. Tickle war. -- deeeepends.....
[]13. Chill in seperate emo corners --no way!
[x]14. Make a baby. -- O_O Euh... >:D mouhaha yes.
[]15. Zombie Apocalypse in the dark -- ze what I beg your pardon ?
[x]16. Sleep -- snuggled up against these guys, after a long discussion about stuff - yes
[x]17. Paperwork -- burn them to fry marshmallows, yes
[]18. Fight -- nope
[]19. Hope for rescue -- maybe
[]20. Give hickies -- what's a hickie ?
[]21. Kill each of us -- technically cannot kill the Angel of Death, a doll and a memory of someone -- and i have no intention of hurting Tom
[]22. Hang our self -- would rather play tying their wrists with their neck ties but only for fun and games
[]23. Punch and slap each other until we're dead. -- nooo
[x]24. Snuggle! -- yeeesss
[x]25. FANGIRL/FANBOY!! -- d'uuh obviously !

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Girl's Confession Meme


 

1. Do you sleep in your bra?
Never wear one! When I need to – I wear a smaller than my ideal size sports bra to squish/reduce my chest down (as a teenager, I often said that, the day Bruce Willis will wear bras and openly admit how comfortable they are - I will make an effort - not before, not of my own will)



2. Do you sleep with socks on?
Who would ? I only wear socks when I need to go outside – inside I walk barefoot 24/7

3. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone else?
Alone – unless it’s one of the 4 Musketeers (Samael, Sabik, Henri, Tom)

4. Do you enjoy drama?
Daytime soap opera – a bit I guess – or dramatic movies

5. Are you a girly-girl?
Euh – I am romantic but I do not wear girly girly stuff nor act like one (hate skirts, love monster movies, not afraid of bruises, curse a lot)

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
My niece – she’s a regular hug-a-ton

8. Are you short?
1m63 and 3/4th

9. Do you like somebody?
Yup

10. Does your Facebook password have to do with a boy?
Nope :D haha -

11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
sadly not that much

12. Do you think you're alone sometimes?
desperately most of the time yes

13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
not since I’m 12 but I wish I could

14. Are you double jointed?
O_o I’d be surprised if I even have the regular ones! Nevermind double…

15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
… my life is too boring to have a decent answer – but I would love under the stars

16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
nope and they wouldn’t be alive had they dared ^_^

17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
I never paid attention to what people tell about me

18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
nope – eeuh – do you count fictional character who doesn’t like his first name ? but even him I call him by his first name I refer to him (Fox Mulder – the X Files)

19. How many guys will read this just because it says "Girl Confessions"?
one

20. Check those that apply:
[  ] I do wear make up.
[  ] I have cried in a movie theater.
[  ] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[ ] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[ ] I like death/grind/black metal.
[ ] I like rap.
[ ] I like techno
[  ] I like country.
[x] I carry a purse.  – when I go out – it’s sort of mandatory
[x] I'd be lost without my computer. – hell flippin’ yeah
[ ] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[ ] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[ ] I own a boy band CD. – I presume that the Monks of Stift Heil… something do not pass off as a Boysband…
[ ] I get bored watching football.
[ ] I've never been called a spoiled brat.
[ ] Guys are confusing.


21. What color is your bra that your wearing?
Not wearing anything under my t shirt

22. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys/girls?
When I think I love blonds, I fall for the dark; when I think I love the dark I fall for the blond so I’ll go with redheads as a safe choice

23. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
Nope

24. What's one thing guys can do to make you like them?
Look like dolls

25. Do you have a best friend?
yessers – he’s my strudel-nugget-love-pie

26. Have you ever had your heart broken?
too many times, starting at too young of an age

27. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
Yes, to get rid of my breasts but I am living through – ignoring them most of the time it goes

28. Do you like your life?
I’m in the process of questioning that

29. WHERE DID YOU GO?
raised my head to watch Earl Bassett (Fred Ward) being dragged by a stubborn ostrich in Tremors 2

30. Has one of your friends ever stolen a boy/girlfriend from you?
Nope, I never was interested in real guys enough to have a declared official boyfriend

31. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
Nope – but I have jumped once and I blacked out and I had issues with water ever since

32. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
Guys totally number girls

33. How long have you had a Facebook?
Since college …. 2005-6 … O_O fucking hell that’s some years now….

34. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
Nope, but I nearly broke one’s nose by opening a door !

35. What are your biggest fears?
physical pain caused by penetration during sex

36. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
yes once or twice …

37. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
Currently in the process of it. And past ones are still roaming around. Even if I was attached to them as a kid (Throttle (a Biker mouse from mars (from the animated series Biker Mice from Mars) , Rudiger (a kid Vampire from the TV series The Little Vampire, Nosedive (a hockey playing duck from the animated series Disney's Mighty Ducks), etc  etc -- no wonder I find humans desperately boring... )

38. Do you believe in the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater?"
I would need proof to change my mind but I am willing to have an open mind

39. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
euhhhhhhhhh … buying dolls

40. Do you ever wish you were famous?
Maybe but – m’eh – don’t care much if I am not

41. Are you currently missing someone?
… not particularly

42. Cowboy or Gangster?
Cowboy! At least they ride horses and I love their tartan shirts - and they are honest hard working men, they have values and principles

43. Preppy or Punk?
Boring – but I guess gypsy or goth

44. Face or Body?
Face

45. Good cook or take you out a lot?
Good cook and I want to help out in the kitchen and talk and share and stuff

46. Sweet or sexy?
neither

47. Armani or Abercrombie?
fruit of the loom!

48. Contacts or glasses?
I prefer glasses – no way in hell I am poking a lens in my eyes

49. Have you ever had sex in RL?
yes – 5 different men – it all comes down to be boring … sorry but I will quote Andrew Eldritch on this – I want More! I want a deep connection – a spiritual something – a … beyond the body sort of thing

50. Have you ever thought you'd marry someone you dated?
nope! They never lasted more than 3 months so – haha – nope!

Thomas William Hiddleston

T.W.H


Thumping, my heart, thumping, it beats

Hollow dreams are built into concrete;

Once upon a fantasy, you abate my fears to obsolete,

My! My! – My pilgrim heart sings the forgotten duet

And there I am once again –

Savouring the sweet promise in your hand.



Will my heart hold your world?

I wish, I hope, I want to see you grow old.

Lie to me, my sweet prince, lie to me,

Long is the night and there is yet time to dally

In your eyes, you hold my hopes

And with your words you bond tight ropes

My heart is yours – dare I invite you to elope?



Hooked! – My heart dances in your grace

In your eyes I have found my place.

Dwindling down the rabbit hole,

Drowning into your perfect soul…

Look! There is my Wonderland

Eternally, my inspirations, I would amend

So as to better fulfill your heart's content

That lonely tomorrow is my only lament

One moment more!  Lost in your enchantment

Nabbing naïvely at your shooting star's end.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Love

Why is it considered fake or any less of a value if the feelings that burn you deep inside - making you actually want to be different from the being that you are - are directed towards an entity that cannot reflect and redirect those feelings back at you?

Why is love in a social definition something that has be to be shared by both parties, in knowledge and trusted shared common accord?

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary online :

Love as a noun is : 

strong affection for another arising out of kinshipan assurance of affection
warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

Love as a verb is :
transitive verb
to hold dear : cherish 
to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for


So if one feels ( transitive verb  to handle or touch in order to examine, test, or explore some quality / to perceive by a physical sensation coming from discrete end organs (as of the skin or muscles) love for another someone - no matter how close or far the receiving subject is, what is the value of the thoughts or feedback of people judging and criticizing this phenomenon that ones lives and feels and has in a most sincere and honest manner in the depths of themselves ? Why is the fact that the recipient of these feelings is somewhat physically or socially distant, why is this fact holding such a great value upon judging something as elusive as feelings ? 

I was chatting with a friend online, on MSN, tonight, and this came into topic. How the feeling of love cannot be true or real or acknowledged for someone who is not concretely reachable. And I ask - Why? Why cannot it be real - since the other one, the one judging - is not feeling the intensity and the depth of these feelings the same way the other party who holds and physically feels these abstract concepts in their very flesh and muscle (heart) ? 

I once saw in a documentary that the simple color red, for instance, is not an exact science, since as much as there are humans, there are that many possible ways of seeing the color red, even if you give the same exact shade to everyone. The way each every single individual's eyes and brains grasp and interpret the information is left to each individual - so in fact, Test Subject A does not see the color red as Test Subject B does! And this is something down to earth concrete and simple as vision - sight - something medically and scientifically proven. So, if this is such a complicated and not so matter of fact poured in concrete science, how can we even begin to mingle the topic if feelings and judge them ? 

Of course logic and common sense come into play - one might say, it is foolish and worthless, or a waste of time and energy - but if one would sit down and list all the activities humanity does which are strictly in the equation of survival completely useless and energy consuming, one couldn't argue much against wasting feelings. I will pick the Olympics for this. Do you need the Olympic games to live? No. You do not need need to break a record to be able to breath, eat, sleep and shit, and function as an individual in a society. You do not need, as a spectator, to see the achievements of this little minority in order to breath, eat, sleep and shit, and function as an individual in that same society. This is called a distraction, an entertainment.

So then - if one chooses to do an activity that is completely pointless for their surviving necessities, how can this one judge upon something as uncontrollable as feelings ? Even more so - the feeling of love - which strikes when the right combination of factors are met, and which factors can be fully acknowledged by the one "undergoing" or completely ignored. 


Luke buys tickets to watch a sports events.

Matthew falls in love with a woman on the other side of the planet.

Luke watches the game and feels happy and feeling a strong emotion towards the team, towards the game and cheers for them. 

Matthew somewhat interacts with that woman he knows he will never meet, and yet, is transported by her and has real feelings in his heart for her.

Luke will never shake hands with the players, or tell them they performed in a most outstanding way on the field and filled his heart with pride and joy.

Matthew will never hold that woman's hand, and tell she inspires him very real, deep, strong emotions which he has not felt for other women before.

How can one judge Matthew as being foolish and wasting his time ? He is transported and inspired the same way Luke is. In a different context and reacts towards a different medium - but both experience a strong feeling that cannot be catalogued or stripped into a proven mathematical or scientific formula, yet, they are very real in the core of their existence and effects upon both men.

Why Not Tonight



Actors -

Sabik - leather jacket, dark red t shirt, dark (black) jeans, leather belt, chains, studs, biker boots
Ellie - blue man's shirt, pale pink tank top, military print shorts, biker pink boots with studs

Location - bar, somewhere in the Nevada desert

Setting - post apocalyptic future - dusty/destroyed/post war ravaged

Intro - we see the smokey bar - the tv plays a country video without sound - someone puts a coin in the old Jukebox -- Reba McEntire - Why  Not Tonight

Camera moves to the bar where the barman pours a pint of beer, the two middle clients - Sab and Ellie -



Saturday, August 11, 2012

All The Reasons I Love Tom Hiddleston

Because my last blogger entry went into the void of Cyberspace -I'll be a total bitch and unleash the uncensored version of this.

1 - He inspires me to try to act more womanly and thus accept my current female condition.
2 - Thanks to him, I understand why fruit flavoured condoms - or textured for that matter - were invented
3 - He is way to busy with his life to acknowledge my existence, thus I can happily fantasize over him without any guilt trip
4 - He looks like a doll - and I have a thing for dolls
5 - His fans can put him and his "career launching" role into the most delightfully entertaining fan art contexts - including homosexual, submission, bondage, neko (cat-man) and a couple others which totally electrify one's imagination
6 - I wouldn't giggle like a high school girl if he walked naked in front of me - I think that I would take his masculinity into a serious and natural context
7 - Oddly enough, I don't feel shy or bad or unease at the doggy style perspective - which I normally despise
8 - He passed the "sleeping test" with an A+
9 - Never met a man i want to kiss as bad as i am dying to try him
10 - What he inspired me and still does is just insanely strong! Like I said it in previous blogs, this guy is a fucking 40 meter high Rogue Wave
11 - Once I accepted all of the above, I'm serene and I actually don't regret nothing nor feel bad. Refer back to number 3 for this.
12 - He is the first man that actually inspired me an interest in his dick. Which is quite impressive.
13 - I am re-discovering things i have buried so deep inside of me, I had forgotten it was things I liked and was curious about
14 - When I think of sex fantasies with him, I'm not randomly pulled out by thoughts of women being abused or sold and sex being a negative thing - which is among the reasons why I quit on it; my choice to say to, in the name of all the women who can't.
15 - Depending on my hormonal rages - i can be either a female or a male with him and both feel very natural and normal. Other men are so straight and stuck in that figure - they are impossible to be imagined with another male figure, which cuts half the fun away.
16 - (reason posted on facebook - something along the lines of Tom waking me up like the Prince would wake up Briar Rose in Anne Rice's version of the Sleeping Beauty tale - which i have not read and won't before some time yet) 
17 - I love this man and yet I avoid him. Haven't seen the movie Thor - where I discovered him - more than 5 times - which is an epic low, considering I can watch a fave movie non stop during minimum 3 months or more, all day long - all week long! Haven't seen Avengers yet - not sure I want to ... Haven't seen Hollow Crown and have no intention of seeing it before some time too. Have seen the Deep Blue Sea once and deleted the movie file. Haven't seen any other movie or series in which he appears. Normally I would hunt them down and run them until i puke. Only downloaded him reading poetry and that novel - The Red Necklace and some exhibition thing he did for the museum about the Egyptians. Been avoiding Twitter, Tumblr.

18 - He is the first man who inspired me the uncontrollable urge to run away to a far remote deserted location with no human communication devices available or working so I would get him out of my brain and heart. 

Thursday, August 09, 2012

A concise reference of my Fictions

Year 2006

A chat With
Fiction about me meeting Andrew Eldritch - singer of The Sisters of Mercy
PG-G

That night ... (first edition of "a chat with) 
Same as above - alternate version - 
PG-G

 Andras De Lunsnoir
Introduction of my werewolf character. Fantasy, dark fairy tale, mystery, love, life. 
PG-13

His Arrival
Original Character Andras. This is either a continuation or a prequel to Andras De Lunsnoir. 
PG-G

Deamon in the morning - I ; Cofee won't save you
Original character,dreams, slightly erotic, fantasy,
PG-13

Deamon in the morning - II ; Kisses in the kornfield 
Continuation to the link above
PG-13


Night Spy - The day after the rescue 
Original Characters and story about a team of spies doing nightly missions / allusions to bisexuality
PG-13

Night Spy - Debriefing
Second chapter to above link -

Night Spy - Getting Over the Damn Clothing
Third chapter to above links -

Further memo - Miss Taylor is actually a hermaphrodite - she is gifted with both female and male attributes - but that was not yet written. (I didn't have the courage back then to write that kind of intimate scene - even if i did fantasy about it a lot)

The Day I Became a Man
A female narrator tells her adventures as in a random turn of events, she woke up in a male body.
PG-G

The Day I Became a Man - 2 
Following chapter of above link

I am currently rewriting this one, updating it. Should be posted on wattpad some time soon.


Year 2007 

I need to loose some time
A random fiction based on a world I created - White Darkness - The Master is this over all dark and kind lord who has taken me into his care.

Mavourneen
Is basically the beginning of Sabik Mavourneen, a personal character and crush of mine. It is based on the Sabik Mecha Angel doll by DollSoom but in my mind he became his own individual. In this story, he plays the prostitute - gay magazines model. I am obviously the photographer. It is leading to eroticism, but it is not depicted.

Year 2008  




Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - I - Dance with me
Fan fiction of the animated series The Count of Monte Cristo as seen and revised by the Japanese team who made this masterpiece. Edmond Dantes, the Count of Monte Cristo, meets Albert, the son of his past love, Mercedes and falls in love with the boy. Gay romance.

I apologize for my crappy English of the past. I will re-write this, correct and update it ;)
Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - II - Kiss me
Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - III - Secrets in the dark 
Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - IV - Travel to Orient 
Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - V - White as Lilies, sweet as honey Gankutsuou YAOI fanfiction - VI - Hidden secrets revealed 


A New Queen Is
This was based on a dream - which is the beginning of the first chapter. In this bit the reader is introduced to the main characters and their basic stats
A New Queen Is 
Official first chapter of the story - we meet the queen
Harin's Travel
Second Chapter - we meet Harin and the 2 spies
Entering a New Kingdom
Harin and the 2 are travelling - secrets are shared
Finally Home
They are finally in the kingdom where most of the action takes place
Castle White
Harin meets Queen Aylie
So this is how...
First night Harin sleeps with Aramis - nothing happens though, but a kiss - they are not intimate yet
Private Meeting
The 2 spies describe their great concern to the queen and the dangerous threat it could cause
Something unthinkably blasphemous 
The threat exposed fully - concerns are arisen
Harin's New Family 
Ceremonials and official status being updated


Urgent Departure
Pretty much inspired by the illustrations shown at the bottom of the post - random fiction with Samael - my Captain character - mostly figh. This was the beginning of a fiction where the troups and I would create a love drug to get some easy pocket money outside of the mercenary contracts. Of course, Captain does not approve of us falling that low.Wolks are tall blue men (before Avatar and Frost Giants became popular for their skin colors, I had Wolks! ha !)


Random Fiction : Captain sends us to vacation The narrator is a detective in New York working on a fucked serial killer case.
Captain sends us to vacation - 2
Captain sends us to vacation - 3

I need to finish this one.  I know the plot and the outcome. I just need to finish writing it down.


Sabik Mavourneen - complete bio 
This was mostly for myself, with the earliest full details of my vision of him, his psychology, attitude


Wattpad

La mer
The first official story exclusively written for Sabik. It is in French though. We are both aboard the Poseidon, luxury boat; he is an electro musician and I am a camera woman - on a secret mission to film mermaids not knowing he is one himself.

L'auto-stoppeuse
A fiction starring Andras my werewolf as he retells his heart  breaking story with a Japanese student he had loved and who died in a bus accident. in French

Esclave du Plaisir
First finished short erotic novel. Homosexual oriented, with crude words and expressions. (Written when I was 17-19)

Morvan
Fiction dedicated to my character Henri Morvan, a tortured soul who after the tragic death of his father at sea rebells against it, becomes a priest, but falls into the temptation of a young Vietnamese girl, feels guilty,comes back home to become an old sea wolf as he calls himself before he would meet the woman of his life with whom he finally finds stability and balance. French.

Related chapters
La scène de la bibliothèque
Ellie has convinced Henri to pose for her, in the library of the house

Chose Promise, Chose Due
In exchange of the photoshoot, Henri has asked the right to "use her as he wishes" which mislead to Ellie thinking he wanted to have sex with her, but he had just set up a cuddling night watching Gone With the Wind in Breton language. Henri uses his high school actor talents to fool Ellie and play a prank on her.

Le Facteur
Continuation of above.This is actually how I exteriorized my anger to a Real Life event. An old flame of the main female character shows up at her doorstep just as she is officially settled in her relationship with Henri and it causes a great turmoil in her heart and mind.


Deputy Russel Clark
I had a mild crush on actor Joe Anderson in his role of Deputy Russel Clark from The Crazies, but I could never fully live out my attraction to him, because of his unspoken immaturity or lack of adult manhood ... this was sort of an alternate version of the movie/story


A Trip To Hell And Back
Real account of my hell trip vacation back to my hometown village in the summer of 2011


Le baiser du regard
French short story about a random kiss in the metro between the narrator and a goth boy - how ppl avoid contact, not looking each other in the eye, and he goes as far as that intimate act of getting closer to someone.


A Night With the Most Wanted Man
Fan fiction starring Tom Hiddleston and a female narrator. Erotic, poetic. First Act.

Guess Who
Second Act of the story linked above. Erotic and poetic

About the Harmony of Pain
Fan fiction starring Loki - the god of mischief and a female narrator. Erotic, gore, dark.



Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Potential Idea for Morvan's ending

I had this scene in my head a couple months back - I shared it with Cyndie.

My character is sitting on the bathtub's edge, she is bleeding. She just came out of the shower, but the water still runs. Her third son - Norman - storms in, not knowing his mother was there; he is shocked seeing her like that and is worried by the blood. Norman throws a towel on her shoulders and wraps her. She lets him do.He sits on the floor to face her, looking up at her.

At first he thinks she is having a miscarriage - even if the family hadn't planned new kids. (Sybille, 19, Philippe 17, Norman 15)

She whispers that it's not a miscarriage. Her tubes were ligated after Norman's birth.

Norman is shocked - he doesn't want to admit the other alternative. Henri is not aware of it yet. Although Ellie had been randomly bleeding on and off, it's neither her menopause nor last remaining cycles and she had managed to hide it from her husband. They have a pact between them, that Henri is forbidden to die out in the sea - which is his field - and she feels odd that she is the one ready to die, here in her field, home by her own femininity. Norman swears to keep the secret until she has confirmation by her doctor.

Last few chapters : she is in the hospital, dies.

The grieving, the mourning. Her ghost remains on earth to watch over her family for 3 months - until things settle down.

Philippe's daughter - by his Japanese wife - can see Ellie's soul / ghost. She informs the family, but does not disturb the process of life and doesn't play messenger between Ellie and her family. They need to open their hearts to her in order to hear her last recommendations.

Ellie's last actions as a ghost.

Assist Sybille and her fiancé Jacques on their own walk on the Camino de Santiago, since she always wanted to do it herself.

Give confidence to Philippe to be a theatre actor.

Save Henri from a rogue wave that would have killed him.

"Remember your promise to me. You cannot die in the sea. She won't have my man."

All the family members will see her one last time during the day they most need her.

Monday, August 06, 2012

Again a few random thoughts - or - All the Reasons Why

I wanted to write this blog last week but, I needed more time to gather thoughts and acknowledge some little details.

I think I needed a little... jump start, so as to excuse myself fro randomly listing facts. It came today on Facebook.

"Hiddles Goddesses
ok girls i have something to say... i've seen that many fans of Tom just like him for his Loki role... i respect that but i think that this way to think on an artist is basic and poor and also kinda disrespectful... an artist is more that just one role and deserve to be note and seen for all the effort that he done as an artist! Tom really has talent in many things like dance for example! so let's consideer to see beyond that beautiful face and the good role Loki because he has more to offer than that! -fio-"
With my personal answer being :
Emilia Tokes I recently found myself wondering if in fact loved him as an actor or a man with an incredible voice! For me, Loki - looking like an adult result of a childhood first love - is just the entry door to discover that in fact, a real living man can inspire me things that no other could before and which I tought were missing in me, like a missing dll in a running OS of a computer. lol I admire him for that too, on a very personal level. And of course - I admire him for all that he did - when i gather small info like his Double Major at Cambridge, or the fact that he did tv shows and other things instead of partying as a uni student. I find those small bits endearing.
37 minutes ago ·
And I shall continue here. 
I wanted to title this - All The Reasons I have to Love Tom, but, tonight this feels ... out of context. And maybe I should just keep them for myself. After all - they are my reasons and to quote Loki through my fiction - Tom did not only breach my defensive wall - he fucking nuked it to Hiroshima level dust! And that is good enough to appreciate him.

A few stats for myself

Collected stats from my written fictions with Tom and Loki on all platforms where they were published

There are 2 main stories in various chapters

The fiction titled "A Night With The Most Wanted Man" was actually what should have been the second story, since the first one "About the Harmon of Pain" is quoted in the previous title. (It's a fiction inside a fiction.)

The reason why this shuffling happened is because the original draft of About the Harmony of Pain didn't please me enough - it was simply too much of an amateur's work, with too many things copied, rather than inspired from the source.

Original location was set up in New Mexico, just like in the movie Thor, but I thought it wouldn't fit Loki's character, being a Frost Giant and I really wanted to work on the "monster" aspect, the all together physical, geographical and spiritual isolation of both characters. At night, before I would fall asleep, I kept having this random imagery of me walking in a thick snow at night - which is basically my White Darkness fantasy world which I run in my head since so long I don't know when I started it - and then, out of the blue, from behind a tree, Loki comes out of the shadow and each night the scenario would change. It took me a few days but I figured out that, Brønnøysund in Norway would be a much more fit location to the story, though it's not clearly mentioned in the text, I used google map to describe the region.

Also, the fact that the narrator lived in the same mobile home setting as Jane, from Thor, disturbed me in the sense that - oh look - one more same element taken from the movie. Added to Loki's fall to about the same drop point as Thor, I just couldn't take it. To me it would have been cheap and low thievery. Nothing original there, even if the fiction's purpose was set on Loki's hurt feelings and self questioning, it's not enough of a reason to go that low.

So now - the compiled data - as of August 6th 2012


A Night With the Most Wanted Man - I

Introduction part / PG- G
Comments: 90
Favourites: 54
Views: 739 (4 today)
Downloads: 3 (0 today)
Wattpad : Not available in this format
Blogger : Not available in this format 

A Night With the Most Wanted Man (full text) PDF

Full text / Mature
Comments: 216
Favourites: 44
Views: 1,098 (7 today)
Downloads: 43 (0 today)
Wattpad : 153 reads
Blogger : 20 reads

Guess Who ? Part 1 (sequel to A N W T M W M)

Introduction / PG-G
Comments: 41
Favourites: 32
Views: 509 (3 today)
Downloads: 19 (0 today)
Wattpad : 23 reads
Blogger : 14 reads

Guess Who ? Part 2

Second Chapter / PG-G
Comments: 12
Favourites: 18
Views: 224 (61 today)
Downloads: 2 (0 today)
Wattpad : 31 reads

About The Harmony of Pain

Intro + Chapters 1, 2 / Mature

Comments: 15
Favourites: 29
Views: 492 (4 today)
Downloads: 12 (0 today)
Wattpad : 16 reads
Blogger : Not yet uploaded

About The Harmony of Pain - Part 3

Chapter 3 / PG-G
Comments: 2
Favourites: 12
Views: 179 (4 today)
Downloads: 4 (0 today)
Wattpad : 18 reads
 Blogger : Not yet uploaded



Charming randomness of a Monday Morning

It started off on Deviant art - as I answered to a poll from a friend - ikaax - about deviant art releasing a second full day where all members can enjoy the premium privileges and one of his 3 choices was : There is a God and he loves you. Obviously I picked that one.

(print screen not available, my dearie took his poll off)

Then I went to twitter to check out the latest tweets - and the Stiff Hiliengertz (I'm dead sure I spelled that wrong) posted something refering to their facebook - which post I couldn't access because I am not yet liking them. I wouldn't have expected Monks to have a twitter and even less a facebook so i follow them only since last night and this morning.


So, I go to facebook, in order to look them up to Like them and guess what ?


First and top of my page - a photo of dear beloved Tommy boy! 

(This is the post the  Monks put on their twitter and which I wanted to see)

My first reaction is to comment on it - with honest truth : I came to find monks and I find Tom. Thank you!

I went to shower and re-thought this whole train of events and I giggled to myself! Yesterday I sort of made peace with Henri, Sam and Rey and I just bursted out loud at the Angelic sense of humor!

There is a God and He Loves you - go seek your passion (the monks) and you'll get what you run away from with all your strength. (Running away : avoiding Tumblr and youtube (since I don't google him up and I have more fans on twitter than the ma himself so, no danger there)

Yesterday, I was listening to Gregorian - The Masters of Chant and this one song - The Gift gave me such shivers and goosebumps! The lyrics went straight into my heart like fucking spears and arrows! To the outside world it's just a song, but to me, in knowledge of my Angels' ways of talking to me - this was totally a slap from them. And after I made peace in my heart with them, I felt so liberated and light! I can love humans and still do my work and follow their lead.

And this morning - they wake me up with breakfast in bed!

Looove You Guys !! so friggin much!

(And I was just chatting with my friend Stephen, relating the events and :

Steph :
teheheh its a sign lol   tu sais ce qui disent, les voies du seigneur sont impénétrables lol
It's a sign lol you know what they say, the ways of the lord are impenetrable lol
Emilia Tokes says
et j,adore son humour :D
And i love his humor
Stephen
c'est comme moi qui check vla 1 mois pour planifier ce voyage sur google map pis je trouve eurien
It's like me who was looking to plan vacations last month, this same trip on google map and I find aanoothing

pis là, on dirait toute est placé sur ma route pis je trouve tout en 3 jours lol
and now, it's like everything is laid out on my path and I find everything in 3 days lol

Gotta love the guys up there ! I sure do ! And even today everything is placing in a ncie smooth motion : I have time to shower, go out get pu erh tea and meet my friend Adriana ! It's basically 2 metro stations away!







Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Guess Who - Part 1 - (sequel to A Night with the most wanted man)

“Guess who!”


A joyful and vibrant whisper trying to hide its natural voluptuousness ran in my ear like water dripping off an icicle in the spring meltdown. I didn’t want to guess who. I was almost afraid of the answer. And yet, the clues couldn’t have been clearer to my senses to interpret the right answer for this pop-quiz.
  
 “It can’t be who I think it is.”

He pressed his body against mine, squeezed his hands on my eyes and I felt his lips brushing the edge of my ear.

“What if it is?”

“Then, let me savour the uncertainty a little longer.”

Ridiculously long and sensual fingers pressed my eyes shot, capturing me into the most blissful ignorance, deeply sensual voice flowing in my ear – I could almost see the treacherous smile snaking itself on the corner of his lips – the warmth of his breath tickling my cheek and neck, the way his upper body instantly pressed against mine, and it seemed that the chair on which I was sitting offered almost no barrier against his ardour. I imagined myself, had I been standing, and an overwhelming sensation of glorious carnal delight took me over. 

In the concrete of the reality, I contented myself of flushing red. I imagined a nice vibrant shade of it, like the silky tone of the rouge worn by the actress in the latest Revlon add, glowing with even more intensity under the spotlights. 

“Good morning Tom.”

He chuckled, released me, and smacked a wet kiss on my cheek, like a little boy would, but I found myself still being unable to open my eyes, not just yet.  I wanted to taste the darkness in which he had plunged me, so as to better delight myself of the light he would blind me with as soon as he would be seated in front of me, at the small table of the even smaller café in which he found me.
  
I swallowed and opened my eyes. I prayed I would have the strength to look him in the eyes without either getting a huge insanely absurd comment gush out of my mouth, or, faint on the floor, or drop my tea on my laptop, or do anything embarrassing of the sort. My heart was already pounding so hard I thought I wouldn’t be able to hear him.
  
The soft morning light that seemed to have such horrendous difficulties entering the window of the small pub  ̶  because in fact, as much as I wanted to call this a café, it was really one of those antique and authentic English pubs  ̶  well, that shy morning light was now completely blinding me; it shone down upon him and gave him a sort of magic impossible to deny.  The fairness of his skin could’ve been compared to the purest snow and I just loved how his cheekbones seemed soft and sculpted to perfection. His new hairstyle, an intricate mix of gold and amber, highlighted by deep threads of shining rust reminded me of the soft ocean ripples bathed by the setting sun, and an powerful image of a BBC documentary imposed itself in my mind, and I couldn’t stop but smile; he was the sea I had chased after for so many years. His whole being was in fact like the ocean; a work of art to which regular words failed miserably at giving rightful justice.

He randomly took the menu under his hands and glanced over the choices. I stopped typing, put my shyness in the desktop’s trash bin and openly installed myself to admire his new looks. 

“Tom, can you stop being outrageously beautiful once in a while?”

He peeked over the card, raised his right eyebrow, his eyes seemed to gleam even more, smiled of his typical and undeniably honest “I’m sorry” and returned his attention to study the menu’s extravagant choices. Would he take an Earl Grey tea or a green one? “And would my good sir consider giving the breakfast special a curious attention, or content himself with scones and a fruit salad?” I imagined the waiter’s voice in my head, trying to contain himself, upon realizing who his “Good Sir” was on this fine morning. 

But the server liked to give his new arriving clients a moment to settle down and enjoy the seat and the sight before he would appear out of the dark corner behind the counter to enquire upon their desire. He wouldn’t come just yet. I had some time to delight myself, and myself alone, of his presence.

He was growing a goatee around his mouth a most charming stylized line on the chin sides. I presumed it was for either the current or some upcoming project. Matter of fact was the extremely attractive end result it gave him, icing him with a certain maturity which had drastically powerful effects on me. I was already aroused by his surprising visit, but his unspeakable beauty was like a fire heated sword straight through my heart. 

“You look stylish, with that.” I traced his beard around my lips.

He smiled and put the menu down. 

Cue for the server to come inquire about the Good Sir’s desires upon this most charming morning.

I guessed half right. Fruits and tea. I renewed mine. 

“I am playing William Shakespeare’s Henry the Fifth for a BBC production. You’d love the set! It’s a shame you have this other contract at the moment, it’s really all that you love! Knights, armors, mud, rain, battles.”

I smiled over my tea. I wouldn’t been able to keep a straight face, had I seen this man in armour, muddy and covered in fake blood, riding on a white horse, out of a mature version of a Disney fairy tale.
  
“How did you find me?” 

The question sprung out of me, almost as if his presence hurt me more than it delighted me. I regretted it before I could look up into his intensely blue eyes again. I felt terrible for having asked that and I’m sure my cheeks flushed into yet another exotically vivid shade of red.

Actors are not supposed to chase their fans, even less their fan-girls and even less the ones who have admittedly a serious fondness of them. I was grateful for that side distraction we had a few months before and I cherished the memories every minute of every day and night ever since, but I had grown into that idealistic dream where I was no more than a casual recreation on his busy agenda page filled with autograph schedules, countless interviews and whatever filled the rest of his perfectly stop-clock counted time, when he was not de facto on stage shooting.
  
He took a smart phone out of his trousers’ pocket and pressed a few keys.

“You changed your Facebook status about 47 minutes ago, using the location application. It wasn’t too hard after that.”

Triumphant smile. Triumphant bite into a kiwi quarter with a long and explicit chew on it. I nearly choked on my tea again. Like some months ago. Maybe I should quit tea all in all.
  
I tried to think. But as he was such a distracting enchantment! Any other man could have been sitting there, in the same clothes he was wearing, doing the same thing as he was doing, and yet, any other man wouldn’t have that incredibly unbearable intense power over me. 

“Why do you keep running away, though?” His question stroke me like a sniper’s bullet – hitting the bull’s eye of my heart.
  
“Because loving you is a burden far too glorious for my mortal soul.”

Because it is easier to love a memory, an abstract, a public figure shown in abundance on social platforms.
  
He smiled, chuckled and putting a hand on his cheek, sort of leaned into a more comfortable position, locking his eyes on me. And he looked at me, with an almost fierce and proud glow in his eyes. I wished he was a product of my imagination, but the laws of physics had a very annoying tendency in their ability to prove me wrong. The outside morning sun was using every trick in the book to put him into even more value. His deep blue sea jacket was like a piece of science fiction sent back in time in the background of the café who was definitely the remains of two centuries ago; a real authentic English pub which had its upstairs floor converted to bathrooms, but which really were rooms to be rented a mere two hundred years ago, a few pennies per bed, per night. The stone walls which were put together and held together with the means of “back then”, the old wooden beams solidly securing the upper floors above our heads, the random wall chandeliers, still used in the evenings, most of the furniture too, was old; only the bar was maybe less than century old new and of course the kitchen which was renewed upon the re-opening of the pub. 

Tom, on the other hand, was an artifact from the very distant future thrown back in time; so modern, so well cut, so vibrant in the old dusty ambiance of the place. He seemed altogether misfit and yet as if part of the landscape. 
 
I didn’t realize he had finished his fruit salad and my tea was getting cold but the fascination brought by the conclusion that his silences were as efficient as spoken words distracted me.  I couldn’t tell if he spoke of something else after that last sentence which was still wildly running over and over in my mind.

My eyes were still captivated by the softness of his neck and how the V cut of his – I presumed – white T-Shirt was just enough to enflame imaginations, and how odd it was for a man to inspire what I thought only women could inspire to men. 

“You care for stroll on the English country side? I have a horse at our disposition for the day.”

I nearly dropped my cup on the floor, as all of a sudden, my fingers holding it, seemed to have lost their ability to do such a simple task as to squeeze the handle hard and long enough to give me the required seconds to put it gently back in the saucer. 

“Why, of all the days of the year where you could have found me, have you picked that one day where I am wearing a skirt? And on top of it, to invite me for a horse ride!”

He rose his shoulders in that adorable “I don’t know” motion which melted me on the spot.
 
“I have a fear of heights. And horses are pretty high.”
  
“I’ll be sitting right behind you.”
  
So there was no way out of this, wasn’t there.
  
“It is highly enjoyable, I can assure you! You will love it!”
  
Oh that terribly convincing smile of his! 

He knew I was sold for when he assertively put his arm around my waist and guided me to his parked rental car and I was walking a little faster than he was.

Naturally, by habit, I walked toward the right hand side of the car, and only when I got to the door did I realize it was an English car, with the driver’s seat on this side.

“I wasn’t aware you got your driving license in these last three months.” He joked as he was putting away my laptop’s bag in the trunk of the car. 

I felt like a complete idiot. Voila. Something randomly stupid had to happen. Why couldn’t I be just normal in his presence for once?
  
He came from the opposite side, going around the car to meet me in the front. I wanted to look at him but all I could manage was to look at that insanely deep V cut; the delicate and yet masculine neck emerging from it resembled a white swan emerging from a sun bathed glistening splash of white foam. He was the sea, he was the merman, he was the tempest wrecking my ship in the storm of the feelings he was brewing above me.

This is the power over me / I'm rendered helpless / You've got me on my knees / You have the power over me / Nothing is certain / I wait for recovery” (1)

I snuck as best as I could between his impressive body and the car’s nose to slide with as much agility as I could manage to get to the door’s handle.

He crossed his arms on the car’s rooftop and smiled at me.

“You sure are more tensed than I am!” 

Tom 1 – Me 0. 

I burst into laughter. 

He opened his door and I tried to open mine. 



Even his driving was charming! So focused and cautious, the little habits kicked in like breathing; seatbelts: his, mine, the radio, pulling out of the parking area, getting on the road, slowly driving out of the village, accelerating on the … what was considered a high way I presumed between two villages, slowing down before the expected curves where he turned to get to his mysterious location. 

I remained in silence, not knowing how to even start a conversation, and when I nearly would have found a topic, I rather stood in that comfortable silence in which we were. I remembered that night on the roof under the stars; silence was the best thing we said to each other. Just being near him, in his arms, in his presence, was enough; words were unnecessary weights which ruined the lightness of the moment.

I smiled.

So… euhm… where is Asgard?” I asked, that night. And it all began there and then.

I wondered if things would have happened differently hadn’t I lost that SD card, or hadn’t I accepted his invitation, or hadn’t I asked that question or … 

The English country side gently past us by, unfolding into always the same bigger picture and yet constantly changing details; infinite green grass valleys sprinkled with a few cows or herds of drowsy sheeps here and there, some patches of wild flowers, mostly white daisies, a few short old wooden fences keeping limits, I thought, more for the visual entertainment rather than real utility purpose. 

“Tom…” I started and I lost my thought. 

The way the sun was playing in the remains of the morning dew on the grass was as if we were driving through a living emerald.

“Have you ever…”I continued, turning to face him. 

He answered my unfinished question, but not with spoken words.

His lips entered into the most delicious collision against mine and time stopped. We were 3 months ago on a rooftop under the stars; we were in a car on the English county side 3 months later  ̶  time had lost its powerful meaning. What had a meaningful significance was the way his beard tickled me, what had substantial importance was the trembling of my soul as his hand slid on the side of my chin to pull me closer as he took his first mouthful of the day. And I realized how much more I had missed him than what I was ready to admit it to myself and I smiled through his avidly ferocious kissing. His art of skilfully shutting me up remained as efficient and as delightfully entertaining – maybe even more so today with its unquestionable reality, versus the slowly fading memories and dreams that still haunted me, some nights, sharper than others. 

I vaguely heard the cliquey sound of the seatbelt’s release, both his and mine, at a small interval, and I was transported with unspeakable joy when he didn’t mind throwing himself over at me. His hand in the same exact spot as before; one finger on each side of my ear, the pinkie sliding down my  neck, the thumb rubbing my skin softly as his tongue was lost in a senselessly passionate waltz with mine. 

He pulled me closer. I dared touch his cheek and the contact of his skin under my hand was like a blind man seeing the light. I was floating in a heavenly bliss of delight and couldn’t care less how breathless I was becoming. 

“I missed you.” I managed to whisper to his V, pulling back for a moment.

“I have guessed that.” He replied, sprinkling his words with a storm of shallow kisses.

A shiver ran through my whole body as he got back to business as usual for the following most delicious five minutes of my last … let’s say a little over 90 days. 

His way of serving himself, while guilefully stopping my thinking process, was among those pesky and yet adorably annoying things he had an expertise at doing and which I missed so much! I felt as if I was a kid back in summer camp with my best friend, up to no good, playing tricks and pranks. I loved how strong and deep his desire had obviously grown since the last time, or was it mine? I couldn’t wait to finish one kiss to start the next one… or was it him? I had missed the taste of his tongue, the smoothness of his lips… the motion of his lascivious fury. 

Part 2 –


We passed through a last little village before the seemingly endless road imposed it’s sensual soft curve in front of us. 

“Are you taking me all the way up to Scotland?” I teased.

“Maybe.” He had a smug smile.
  
I tried to focus my attention on the road, but my heart was imitating a charging cavalry rushing down an appreciably inclined hill at full speed, and Tom was a man full of surprises. Just as I was trying to remember in which part of England we were by now, he simply took a turn left, as if he had done this path a thousand times, and soon enough, he pulled off on the side of a rather imposing stable’s red brick wall. 

An adorable old man, rather short and strong, came out, holding an imposing tall and strong chocolate brown horse by the bridle. 

“Heaven have mercy! You want me to … get on that thing’s back? Are you serious?”
 
I was more petrified with fear than jumping thrilled with excitement. 

He leaned over, smacked a quick kiss on my cheek and a dropped a reassuring whisper in my ear.  

“I’ll be right behind you!” 

And with that said every possible fear was simply and absolutely dissolved, evaporated into thin air, just as the very last remains of the early morning’s mist, killed by the powerful golden arrows the sun torpedoed in the heart of the weakening bunch of clouds.

The horse, a healthy stallion going by the oddly circumstantial name of Henry, looked me straight in the eye as I was facing him by the left side, trying to make a good first impression. Inside of me, I was trembling with apprehension, but on the outside, I tried my best to approach a steady reassuring hand to his nose, which I left hovering above his nostrils a good moment so he could sniff me and make my acquaintance, giving him the right to either accept me or refuse me. 

I nearly jumped when he pushed his nose into my palm and a little squeal of surprise escaped me. 

“Do all blokes impress you this dramatically?” Tom asked teasing, observing me, holding the bridle with an assured hand, the other one steadily caressing the horse’s neck. 

I couldn’t stop the laughter which burst out of my lips faster than a formula one car starting up and I grimaced back at him. 

“So… how do you expect me to … get on his back?” I asked, half consciously putting all my weight on my feet, hoping that roots would miraculously grow to keep attached to the ground.

Tom turned around the horse, walked slowly, taking all his time, ambushing me from behind, and I should have guessed it, firmly gripped my sides with both hands.

“You will slide your left foot into the stirrup and I will raise you with a little push; you will grip firmly the pommel, slide your right leg around the saddle, sit down, and relax. You will then free the stirrup so I can get up, I will slide my arm around you, take reins and give a little kick into Henry’s side. He will most likely make some noise and start walking.”
  
Sounded so easy!

“Ready?”

So joyful and optimistic!

I was a little less beaming with enthusiasm than he was.

He guided me, once again, step by step. I remembered that night, the staircase, his hand on my eyes, his voice guiding me – step by step.

“Left foot in the stirrup.”

Up until there, I managed, even if my skirt slid back greatly on my leg, revealing my pale skin.

“I hope you are enjoying yourself.” I whispered, trying to focus on the pommel.

“Very much so, indeed.” He replied, more amused than serious.

He pushed me up, as he said he would, but for a split second, a random thought distracted me and the
theoretically easy maneuver became a charming fiasco as I fell straight back into his arms, making him
step back from the surprise and I couldn’t stop smiling as he squeezed me strong against him. 

“We should do horse riding more often. I love how passionately you fall into my arms." 

I giggled and he gently set me back into position for a second try. I felt like an animated doll in his hands and sighed with a smile, remembering how I had naturally trusted him the first time. The second time wasn’t quite the success I had hoped for, but, but a famous proverb was on my side and third time became the charm! To which I shouted out loud my satisfaction of being finally successful.
 
Obviously, for Tom, getting up and settled into position was as blissfully easy as quoting Shakespeare. And like he said, giving a gentle kick into Henry’s side, our adventure of the day really began. 

I closed my eyes to better appreciate the stallion’s confident steps as he lead us out of the farm’s premises into what had the secret flowery scent of frizzy and mostly titillating adventurous times ahead of us. Tom had quickly secured his arm around my waist, as he had promised, holding the bridle with assurance, guiding the imposing horse on a most charming dirt path that officially started a good mile in the farm’s backyard, snaking itself in the green forest, curving around clearings, going into darker agglomerations of tall darker shaded green giants.

It’s most interesting how when you have your eyes closed, everything becomes hyper sensitively acute around you. The sound of Henry’s steady pace, the tapping sound of his shoes against the dirt road, his horse smell clashing against Tom’s cologne made me smile. Sometimes, as the horse would make a comment or move his neck and I would tense up, but the man behind me pressed himself against me, and I was sent back into a most comforting cocoon of trust and dream like state. Random birds were randomly chirping in the random distance, the sun was playing the same kind of hide and seek game through the foliage, tickling my face when it pierced a bit stronger between scarce leaves, creating strong luminous fireworks behind my closed eyes. I could imagine a Disney like scenery where the sunrays pierced down to gently caress the shyly emerging wild flowers’ open petals like open arms, swooshing through leaves, creating a rich spectrum of all sorts of shades of greens, from the deepest thickest bottom of a pond green to the lightest almost see-through golden tone. And as I took in deep slow breaths, all the various scents of nature mixed in the most delicious perfume which changed, it seemed, at the pace of our noble steed. With closed eyes, every delicate scent that brushed me was a like playing fairy twinkling its tiny wings, brushing my cheeks, flying away, twirling and dancing in the late summer’s air.

I smiled at the shear thought of where I was, with who I was, and what I was doing. It seemed a dream, and yet, my senses were too sharply excited at every passing second to be able to deny the unquestionable reality of it all. I felt his arm move up and down at each breath I took, sometimes he would squeeze me against himself – I thought – for the simple and delicate pleasure of feeling me, or to remind me that this was neither an illusion nor a daydream. Sometimes, he would slow down the horse’s pace to bring my attention on a scenery’s specific detail, knowing I would appreciate the finer detail of the sunlight against the green leaves and how two leaves, seen from under, would be of two different shades, lit differently from above, and how at their united center a third shade would exist, gently moved by the late summer breeze. 

Other times, I would be lost in wonder, trying to imagine the scenery in my mind, trying to paint the odd and yet picture perfect reality; a tall and strong chocolate brown stallion walking at a casual pace on a small dirt trail in the midst of an English forest, with tall leafy trees on all sides, wild flowers sprouting randomly in the painted landscape, discreet birds, some butterflies perhaps, fluttering here and there. On the horse’s back, a man in his very early thirties, with beauty worth of a prince, wavy hair of an undefinable shade between a golden blond and deep tones of amber, eyes of a soft deep blue under the shades, which would illuminate into a sky blue when lit up by a random sun ray. He was wearing a deep blue sea jacket and black suede trousers, contrasting with the surrounding environment and even more so seeming miss-fitting the activity he was enjoying. Seated before him and held safely, and strongly against him, the young woman of a merely a few years younger, was equally a fashion misfit in this natural activity with her almost see-through white sleeved shirt covering a pale peach top completed with an equally soft peachy pink ruffled skirt, which in this odd position was pulled up, revealing her pale thighs. 

“Hold on tight, we will accelerate a little.” He warned me just as we arrived at a clearing’s edge, a little atop a hill, softly reaping me from my half dream.

My heart suddenly accelerated into an untamed race. I felt Tom’s leg giving that signal kick into Henry’s side and the horse hastened and unleashed his own tamed desire, letting his vigour be known and appreciated, bursting into a passionate speedy canter which soon became an honest galloping. I felt Tom’s grip around me tightened, and I couldn’t have been happier for it. I felt his body leaning over me, just slightly, his chest practically fusing with my back, his legs pressing against mine, the bridle shortly wrapped around his hand.

Henry seemed to enjoy the speed as much as Tom did, and I thought to myself that this sure beated any amusement park in terms of thrilling sensations and excitement! I wanted to close my eyes, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to do so, eager to appreciate how fast the landscape unravelled under my eyes, how the grass was practically reduced to blurred horizontal lines, how the wind was strong against my chest and in my hair – which I hoped would hold in place until the race finished. 

As my heart was palpitating with unreasonable strength, I realized the full blown arousing side effect of this whole thing. There was something absolutely raw and sensual, untamed and primitive in this improvised race and I wondered if Tom had planned it consciously or if it was the randomness of the moment’s inspiration.

I was still on that indescribable high when the stallion slowed down and I could make out Tom’s voice in my ear.

“Fun, wasn’t it?”
  
It was the horse who had furnished most of the effort and it was me who was panting, still under the power of what I felt, and still was trying to tame inside of me. I swallowed and tried to gather my thoughts.

“Sure beats amusement parks!”

The landscape in which we stopped seemed as if ripped out of a children’s illustrated fairy tale book; if the woods would have been a giant hand, we would have landed on the edge of the palm, I imagined we came from an unseen place from the thumb, and rode a trail up to the hill top which was constituted by the Thenar’s eminence so to speak; in front of us, an appreciable clearing divided in its center by a most charming little stream, on this side, gifted by the presence of a venerable willow tree gently brushing the clear water’s ripples by its sorrowful branches, on the other side, the forest continued, as if the index, middle and ring fingers were jointed in a graceful figure, leaving to sight a small breach before the line of the pinky would dive into another section of thick dark woods.
  
Tom jumped off the horse’s back with as much ease as he got up and securing both hands on my waist, helped me down. I slightly lost my balance and landed directly in his arms – yet again.

“I am seriously considering taking you out on horse rides more often. You have this charming habit which is becoming most addictive!”

I smiled and rolled my arms around his neck as I leaned forward to kiss him. My turn to. I was burning from the ride and I couldn’t possibly think of restraining my burning momentum. I wanted him so much, so badly, so intensely, so senselessly, so strongly, so eagerly, so ardently, so fiercely, so thirstily …

I pulled back. 

He smiled looking me in the eyes.

“That was agreeable, why did you stop?”

“I ran out of synonyms to describe how badly I want you.”

“Let me help out.”

His adjectives were as sharply intense as the fiery tickling sensation inside of me; vigorous, long, deep, detailed, demanding.

I could feel his chest raising and lowering against mine. If my hands were casually thrown around his shoulders, his arms were a bit more possessive around my waist and back, pulling me closer to him, squishing my chest against his, locking me into a most delightful cage of craving passion, of which I wouldn’t have wished to escape.

I had forgotten how much I loved and most essentially how I missed kissing him. There was just something sublimely natural about him. I couldn’t define it precisely, nor could I deny it. It was just one of those statements of life like when you love a fruit, or a dish or a color; you love it, end of story. I loved kissing him. And he didn’t quite do anything to inspire me the opposite train of thoughts.

“Do you still hate me?” He whispered in my ear after a very long moment and it seemed as if someone had wide opened the blinds of a dark chamber, unleashing the blinding and burning power of morning’s sunlight.

I blinked and rested my head on his shoulder as I burst into laughter. So, he did remember that.

“Yes. Very much so, yes.” I replied in an equally low whisper.
  


Tom was lying on his side, a hand on his cheek, his elbow in a thick and soft patch of fresh grass, twirling random blades with his free hand.  He had taken off his jacket and I refrained myself from giving him that cheesy pick up line “Did it hurt much when you fell from heaven?”, and yet, behind his composed smile, I could see that twinkle in his eyes as he was clearly enjoying every moment of my internal struggle to remain calm in his presence.

It was odd, and yet so natural, this silence composed of smiles, of glances and of random little grimaces as we both tried to start a conversation and yet not quite finding the proper words. Almost as oddly, I realized that in fact, words were not as much needed to express whatever we wanted to say to each other.

A good few ten or twenty meters behind him a rather thick pool of daisies caught my attention and by a random strike of inspiration – to Tom’s open surprise and unhidden deception – I sprang up and ran to collect a few.

“Isn’t it normally up to the gentleman to gather flowers for his lady?” He asked bemused when I came back with a huge stack in my hands.

I gave him a single one.
  
“Nope. Not in our modern era.”

He smiled and I sat down to craft him a crown.

He looked at me with curiosity, trying to guess where I was going, but soon his smile widened and a chuckle escaped him as he lay back on his back, playing with his daisy. 

By the time I was done, he had his fingers crossed behind his neck; eyes closed and seemed to enjoy a little nap. The scenery itself – had I had a camera on me – would have been worthy of a classic romantic painter’s vision on an outing. The man, lying on the tender green grass, enjoying the sun’s warmth, the random chirping of birds, the faint whispers of the wind the trees around the clearing; the girl sitting near him, silently working on her craft, making a crown one flower at a time, for the man who had wan her heart in the most charmingly unexpected possible way.

I grinned with malice. I could have just called out his name, to get his attention, or bend over and kiss him on the cheek, maybe on the lips to play Sleeping Beauty, but since he was so freely offering himself to me, why not raise the fun bar just a little higher?

Trying my best not to unravel my evil plan, I snuck up on his crouch before he would open his eyes. He got half up, resting his weight on his elbows and grinned at me.

“You lied. The daisy’s last petal confirmed it. You love me.”

“I guess daisies can’t lie, can’t they?”

He silently shook his head to a no. 

“So then, I have no other choice but to…” I started, and was as soon caught off guard as he suddenly raised himself to a more appropriate sitting position and locked his arms in my back.

“… But to crown you my king.” I finished.

The white of the daisy crown in the flamboyant rusty gold of his hair gave him an even more so unbearable beauty and I sighed, regretting the absence of my trusty camera to capture the perfect of the moment. Maybe it was my imagination playing tricks on me, making me believe he could read my mind, ore more realistically, he knew me all too well, for he quickly snuck out a mobile phone from his trousers’ pocket and offered it to me.